


Take Me Back To the Start

by onbrokenfeet



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-08-30 11:44:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8531782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onbrokenfeet/pseuds/onbrokenfeet
Summary: An AU in which Laura left home after her first college degree and just about dropped off the face of the Earth. She is, however, going to surprise her friends by not only replying to their party invitation, but actually showing up! Sounds like a great idea, right? Right? Well, maybe not after almost two years of radio silence.





	1. Good Grief

**Author's Note:**

> Second time writing with Carmilla characters! Should update around every week, you can also follow me for drabbles and more on tumblr at - mymindwandersonbrokenfeet

"What's gonna be left of the world when you're not in it?" - Good Grief (Bastille) 

New York City (Laura’s Apartment) - Two Weeks Before

Laura had just gotten back to her apartment building after yet another unnecessarily exhausting day. Up at 6, out the door by 7, at work by 7:30, gone by 4, at school by 5, wash, rinse, repeat. She pushed herself to grab the mail on the way upstairs, and practically fell through the door on the way into her home. She plopped onto the couch belly first, mail still in hand, shoes and coat still on. She could have fallen asleep if she wasn’t somehow so behind on her homework. She rolled onto her back, glaring over at the wall clock to see it was 9PM on the dot. She sighed as she turned her attention to the now wrinkled envelopes in her hands. 

“Bill, bill, coupons for car repair, bill, oh!” Her eyes narrowed on an orange envelope. Her name was written in gorgeous cursive on the front. “Wonder what this could be,” she said to the empty space. 

She tore it open to find a small card with a large, smiling jack-o-lantern on the front. Inside it read “You are officially invited to LaFontaine and Perry’s Halloween Party, Halloween Day, at 8PM.” The handwriting was equally as lovely as the writing on the front except for an added under the party details that said “I need confirmation that you aren’t dead up there, frosh. Come see us! Please!” in scratchy black writing. 

“Aw, Laf,” Laura giggled. She took note of the address and that it was, of course, a costume party. “I wonder which kind of cookies Perry will bake this time.” Laura forced herself up, walking the five steps it took from her small living room to the kitchen. She began wondering a lot of things, what would she wear? Should she bring something? Could she even fit a trip back home into her schedule? Could she afford it? Who would be there? She gulped. Who would be there? The thought was so loud it nearly shattered the silence in her apartment. She put the invitation under a magnet on the fridge. Her eyes glanced over at a picture under another magnet. It was taken a few summers before at the beach. They all looked so happy together. Well, except for Perry, who had just scolded Carmilla and Laf for luring seagulls onto the beach blanket while she was trying to read. 

“Will you be there?” She asked the photograph, staring at a smile she hadn’t seen in so long. Her hope to see that smile, just one more time, was so endless. In the meantime though, her cat, Rose was rubbing against her leg and meowing as loud as possible.

“You hungry?” She asked the little black cat. She glanced back at the photograph, swearing for a moment she could hear voices in the distance, and see the people she wished were there. She was probably just exhausted and probably just losing it a little from stress, she told herself. She let the past lull her into one of the most uneasy sleeps she’d had in a long time. 

Christiansburg, Virginia (Perry and Lafontaine’s) - A Week Before 

Perry had spent the entire day putting up decorations, taking them down, and staring at the floor plan of their house. It was a quaint little one floor home, white siding, baby blue shutters on the windows. Perry fell in love with it immediately, LaFontaine loved having a spare room for experiments (and making Perry happy.) It was a win-win.

“Maybe cobwebs inside the windows, lights in the bushes, lights around the roof, and scarecrow on the porch?” Perry mumbled, staring at each wall, walking back outside to look at the front of the house again. 

 

“Perr?” LaFontaine called out the window of their living room. “You okay out there?” 

“I’m fine!” Perry threw her hands up. She took a deep breathe through her nose. “I just want the house to look the best it can, it’s our first Halloween here.” 

“Oh.” Laf nodded, nearly understanding. “Do you want some help?” 

“Not yet, thank you. I think I’ve nearly got it.” 

Lafontaine nodded yet again. They went to turn and go back to whatever rip in space in time they were trying to make. “Hey Perr?” 

“Yes?” Perry looked over briefly from scanning the house, her hands full of fake spider webs. 

“Who has RSVP’d to the Halloween party?” 

“Oh! Well, there’s Danny from work, uhm. The neighbor, Kirsch. Betty and Ell from my book club. Carmilla, as you know, who will probably be several hours late as per usu-” Perry trailed off as she looked back to Lafontaine; who anticipated happiness and heartbreak all in one look.

“I haven’t heard from her yet,” Perry sighed. “I told you I’d tell you, dear. I’m sorry.” 

“Oh. Well, that’s fine. I’m sure she’s just busy or something.” Laf tried to smile and Perry did too but their efforts were weak. 

“I’m gonna get a shower,” Laf said. “Love you.” Laf promptly shut the window and began mumbling curses. Perry let it go, she’d tried many times to console not one but two miserable loved ones who missed Laura. Okay, three, if she included herself. She tried to focus on her decorations but found her mind even more hectic than usual, and decided to call it quits for the day. 

“Oh, darn it, Laura,” she whispered to herself. “Even if you say no, you can’t even call?” 

 

Halloween - Christiansburg, Virginia (Perry’s Parents’ House) - Three Years Before 

“You didn’t.” Perry said, eyes wide, trying to keep herself breathing. 

“Perr, listen. It was just a prank, it’ll be fine.” Lafontaine attempted. The attempt failed, of course.

“Laura, please tell me they didn’t,” Perry pleaded, looking to Laura for comfort. Laura sat on the couch, curled up in a blanket with a large book. She finally looked up at the trio. Perry stood with her hands on her waists, red in the face, and ready to tell everyone they were grounded. Lafontaine stood in full Bill Nye the Science Guy costume attire, arms full of plastic garden gnomes. Carmilla stood beside Lafontaine, smirking behind a thick layer of zombie make-up, also holding a large amount of garden gnomes. 

“It seems like they did,” Laura added sheepishly. 

“The proof is in the plastic pudding,” Carmilla said. “Mrs. Dalloway said we’re too old for free candy, I said she was too old to chase us, and here we are.”

“Carmilla! You can’t torment a usually much nicer than that elderly woman! And Laf I am twice as disappointed in you,” Perry yelled. 

“Jeez, sorry mom. Do I have to go to bed without dinner?” Carmilla asked. 

“Perr, look, we’ll take them back in the morning and apologize okay? No harm, no foul. I’ll even take her some of those weird stale oatmeal cookies she likes so much.” 

Perry looked ready to burst before finally releasing a well-contained breath, bringing her hands up to rub her temples. “Alright, but they must be returned as soon as you wake up, understood?” 

“Ma’am, yes ma’am!” Carmilla taunted before turning to sit the gnomes on the floor. 

“Did you guys hand out all the candy?” Laf asked. 

“Yes, we had some lovely little trick-or-treaters,” Perry said curtly, not even close to forgetting what had just transpired. 

“Awesome!” Laf said excitedly before sitting their gnomes next to the others. 

“You’re awfully quiet,” Carmilla said, raising an eyebrow at Laura. “You okay, cupcake?”

“I’m fine,” Laura said quietly, absorbed in her book. 

“You have a bit of a cold, right dear?” Perry asked. 

“I don’t hear any coughing, sweetheart,” Carmilla said. She sank down on the couch next to Laura and Laura was quick to shut her book. 

“I just feel sick, alright?” Laura said. Her eyes were red and her lids were a bit puffy. 

“Have you been crying?” Laf asked. Great, Laura thought, now everyone was staring at her. 

“It’s uh-just a really sad book, y’know? Just a bad case of the feels,” Laura said. 

“Oh yeah? Journalism 101 : Getting the Scoop, sounds like a real tear-jerker, sweetheart.” 

Laura’s shoulder shook and her eyes began to water. A few tears made their way down her cheeks and she couldn’t find a single word to explain it. 

“Can we just go back to talking about gnomes?” Laura asked. 

“Not when you’re so clearly upset, did something happen?” Perry asked. 

“Yeah, Laura, you always tell us everything, and you still can!” Laf chimed in. 

“Did someone hurt you?” Carmilla asked, suddenly more protective than forceful. Carmilla went to grab her hand and Laura immediately pulled it away.

“I can’t do this,” Laura said. “I’m sorry, I can’t, not now, maybe not ever. I can’t.” She stood, holding her book close to her and brushing past Laf and Perry as quickly as possible. The trio heard the front door close and knew she was gone. 

“What the hell just happened?” Carmilla asked. Perry shrugged, nervous to find the answer herself. Carmilla hopped off the couch, clearly on a mission. Laf grabbed her by the shoulder before she passed and shook their head.

“Maybe uh, maybe we should all get some sleep and she’ll talk when she’s ready.” Laf suggested. Each of them agreed (though Carmilla took some convincing) and Perry offered Carmilla the couch for the night. Everyone got comfortable, but none of them got much sleep. Laura received messages as followed - 

[Perry - 11:00PM]: Hope you’re okay, dear! Call if you need anything.

[LaFontaine - 11:02PM]: Yeah frosh, call for anything at anytime! 

[Carmilla - 3:06AM]: I love you. 

 

None of them got a reply for three days.


	2. Home, Let Me Come Home!

“Home, let me come home, home is wherever I’m with you.” - Home (Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes)

**Somewhere Along the Way - Two Nights Before**  
  
  
“I’m safe, promise! I got a little turned around, but I’m on the right track now, I think. I should be there in the morning,” Laura assured the voice on the other end of the payphone. She was amazed they still existed, let alone worked. Though, not being sure what state she was in exactly and being vaguely lost despite her scribbled down directions, she was glad for the echo of the past.  
  
“Alright, does anyone else know you’re coming? Did you call them? Do you have safe checkpoints to stop at?”  
  
“I don’t have a phone anymore, dad, remember?” Laura retorted.  
  
“I know! We need to get you one, living all the way up there by yourself, what if something happens? Do you know what the crime rate is up there?”  
  
“I have to get back out on the road, dad,” Laura said with a yawn. She was too tired to fight her dad’s anxiety and the call would end soon.  
  
“Alright, drive safe, watch out for deer, don’t text and drive, well, you can’t text and drive but don’t do your make-up and drive, God, we need to get you a phone,” Sherman said. He could have gone on longer but Laura stopped him.  
  
“I love you, dad, I’ll see you soon.”  
  
“I love you too, be careful.”  
  
“I will.”  
  
She stuck the black phone back where she found it and wandered back to her car. It was a ridiculously long drive and she was way, way too exhausted for it. She laid in the back seat with her bookbag posing as a pillow. There was a fruitcake on the floor that her aunt had given her when she went to pick up her car. It seemed to be sitting on the counter for as long as Laura’s car had been in the driveway. Still, Laura smiled at the ugly brick of sugar as she drifted off to sleep.  
  
  
**Christiansburg, Virginia - The Day Before**  
  
“Thanks for coming by, Carmilla, LaFontaine got stuck at work and I have so much to prepare and-”  
  
“Calm down, Curly Q, I wasn’t doing anything,” Carmilla interrupted. “Though, if you’d like to slide me a few of your famous cookies in gratitude for my services, I wouldn’t be opposed.”  
  
“Yes, well, I won’t be baking any until tomorrow as I want them as fresh as can be for the party. I do, however, have some leftover pumpkin pie from book club last week.”  
  
“That’ll do,” Carmilla smirked. “What exactly did you need help with again?”  
  
Perry nodded and waved for Carmilla to follow her into the kitchen. The kitchen was probably the most quaint room of their small home. Slightly old white appliances stood with plain wood cabinets. The walls were a pale yellow to match the sunlight coming through the single window. Carmilla wanted to hate it down to the cute little ceramic pumpkin sitting on the kitchen table by the window. She couldn’t, though, she wanted it to be her own in a way. Well, she had wanted it to be theirs, not just hers. She sighed and returned to reality as Perry had clearly been talking.  
  
“Carmilla?” She asked.  
  
“Yeah?” Carmilla looked up at her, trying to almost pretend she was kind of paying attention.  
  
“Did you hear a word I said?”  
  
“Something about painting these horrid walls?”  
  
“No,” Perry dead-panned. “I was thinking perhaps you could help me with stringing the lights outside. LaFontaine was going to do it but they had to stay at work late today and even with the ladder, well,” she sighed, showing a large bruise on her arm where she had fallen off a ladder earlier.  
  
“Sure, I can do that.”  
  
The pair travelled outside with the step ladder and a large ring of carefully wrapped orange string lights.  
  
“I’m surprised someone as punctual as you waited this long to decorate,” Carmilla said.  
  
“We simply haven’t had time,” Perry said. Carmilla shrugged, not caring to continue the conversation. She got to work stringing the lights, sighing every time Perry directed her to go a little higher, a little to the left, a little to the right. There was a long argument in which Carmilla explained that she understood how to hang lights. There was a plea to not say “I told you so” when the lights didn’t fit properly and had to be entirely re-hung.  
  
“Does Sherman still come to book club?” Carmilla asked after a short silence as she worked on getting the last bit of lights back up.  
  
“Every week,” Perry said nervously.  
  
“Do you ask him about her?”  
  
Perry paused. “Every week,” she repeated. They hardly ever said her name. It still felt like sand in their mouths, dry and unwanted, but they could never get it to leave entirely.  
  
“Well?” Carmilla asked, finally getting off the ladder, for what she hoped was the last time.  
  
“Well, what?” Perry asked, somehow fearful to step forward into conversation.  
  
“Are the lights up correctly this time?” Carmilla asked as if all of her other questions had vanished.  
  
“They look great! Thank you so much! I’ll wrap you up some pie to take home, unless you’d like to see LaFontaine. Though, I’m sure they’ll be tired with all this overtime.”  
  
“Pie to go sounds great,” Carmilla said, nodding. They stood for a moment, not moving or speaking, only breathing in the sunset air. Carmilla wanted to ask but she also wanted so desperately not to care. Perry wanted to talk and to comfort but she also wanted so desperately for them all to move on.  
  
“Let’s get inside then, would you mind taking the step ladder back in?”  
  
“Can I have an extra slice of pie?”  
  
“Absolutely.”  
  
“Sold.”  
  
**Sherman’s House - The Day Of**  
  
Sherman’s trailer was a well kept fortress. Three locks on both entrances, kept locked at all times. There were emergency numbers on the fridge, the bathroom wall, and each door of the bedrooms. The kitchen had two fire alarms and there was a fire extinguisher in the pantry. Anything he could have for an emergency, he did, except for the fallout shelter he so desperately wanted in the yard. He was in his extremely safe kitchen making breakfast when Laura scooted slowly out of her old room. The hall to the bedrooms led to the living room where she was ready to collapse into her dad’s favorite recliner and sleep for another few hours.  
  
“Are you up?” He called. She groaned. It was the first day in weeks she had gotten the amount of sleep she needed, plus a little extra.  
  
“Yeah, dad!” She called back, scooting her way into the kitchen where he was standing. He was wearing an oven mitt on each hand and had a thick apron covering his body. This was how he made eggs and bacon every morning since she was little. She smiled as she had missed the overly concerned man as much as she had enjoyed being free from his worries.  
  
“Breakfast is almost done. Is that your costume?” He asked. She looked down at her dragon footie pajamas.  
  
“No,” she chuckled. “These are my favorite pajamas. My costume is in my bookbag.”  
  
“Are you going to be Belle again? You were the cutest princess on the block a few years ago!”  
  
“More like fifteen years ago, dad,” she corrected. “But thank you.”  
  
“Well,” he paused. “It’s funny how time flies, isn’t it?”  
  
It was. It was funny how strange it felt to seem like a tourist at home. It was funny how the taste of actual, real, not microwaved food made her stomach sing. It was funny how catching her dad up on her life took so long and yet no time at all. She had no interesting stories, really. A few wild nights she probably wouldn’t tell him to avoid a heart attack at the table, but they were only little blips in her life. She hadn’t seen him in so long, though. He would make a trip up every once in awhile during some holidays, but that was it. She never asked about anyone else, mostly out of fear that they never asked about her.  
  
“Do you still go to Perry’s book club?” Laura asked.  
  
“Every week!” Sherman replied. “We just read this book about these kids who have to kill each other for food! It was wild, I could have maybe done without all the romantic hoo-ha. That girl was far too distracted in such a dangerous environment.”  
  
Laura laughed. Okay, well, at least dad got to worry about Katniss instead of her for a bit. Her smile slightly as she prepared herself for the next question.  
  
“How is Perry?” She asked. Sherman was dumbfounded for a moment. He hadn’t expected her to ask, he wasn’t even sure what to say.  
  
“She’s doing well,” he spat out. “She always seems a bit on edge,” he added.  
  
“That’s Perry for you,” Laura chuckled. “Has she mentioned how everyone else is doing?”  
  
“Here and there,” Sherman said. “LaFontaine is doing some major work with InGen right now.”  
  
Laura nodded, sipping water and wishing it was cocoa. She started to wander into a daydream but stopped herself right before. She didn’t even know where LaFontaine had been working. She wondered if Perry was working too, and where. She wondered if Carmilla was still working at the video rental store or if it had finally been cased in a museum. She wondered everything she could in the short morning silence. Sherman sipped his water, she only stared vacantly at the table. She would at least ask one of the questions she had been wondering for so long.  
  
“Does she ask about me?”  
  
He paused and scratched the back of his neck. “Every week,” he said, nodding.  
  
Laura tried to pretend her heart hadn’t shattered, though she was terrible at hiding it. She changed the conversation topic and finished her breakfast. She excused herself when she was ready to cry and spent the next hour pacing around her old room and damning herself for never making enough time for even a simple phone call.  
  
**Perry and Lafontaine's House - The Hour Of**  
  
Laura pulled up out front of the address listed on the card. Her hands were shaking just enough that she could control them while driving. She had a pile of invitations at home. She was sure she was the only one to receive them through mail. What could have changed? Clearly Perry and Laf were doing well for themselves! That was good, right? The house was cute and so perfectly decorated. Kids came by in small groups dressed as various frights and heroes. One kid was dressed as a piece of bacon, Laura decided that one was her favorite. She had spent ten minutes sitting in silence and fiddling with the striped scarf around her neck. What else was new? Maybe she should go in and ask. She looked up at the house again and saw the vague shape of Perry on the porch with a candy bowl smiling at the youngsters. Laura could practically smell Perry’s famous cookies. Okay, I’ll just go in and act normal and natural and not weird and it’ll be fine, she told herself. _Maybe I should just go back to dad’s, they don’t know I’m here, I could just go home!_ She flip-flopped for a long time before finally grabbing her hat and placing it on her wig. She took a deep breath and forced herself out of her car.  
  
“You can do this, Hollis,” she whispered to herself. _You can’t_ , she thought silently.  
  
She walked in an awkward, far too uptight fashion up the sidewalk. The trick-or-treaters made their way past her and to the next house. Perry squinted in Laura’s direction before gasping and nearly dropping her bowl.  
  
“Goodness!” She finally exclaimed before running down the sidewalk. Laura could now see little cat ears sprouting from her curls and finely painted whiskers on her face.  
  
“It is you!” Perry clapped her hands together in excitement, unsure of what to say next.  
  
“Yep, it’s me!” Laura said awkwardly. There was a silence between them. What should they say? How are you? What’s new? Why did you suddenly drop off the face of the Earth?  
  
“Well,” Perry started. “Everyone’s inside and my candy bowl is done for the night. So, come on in!”  
  
Holy Hufflepuff, Laura thought. She was past the point of no return, now. Everyone was in there. Who was everyone? Laf, of course. Carmilla? She wondered. Oh no, what would Carmilla do? Did she bring a date? Would it be weird? Of course it would be weird, everything about this whole thing was weird. Maybe if she had a damn phone, she could have called. She knew that wasn’t true, she could have called from work or school. She always could have, she was just too scared of hearing voices after so much silence.  
  
Perry apologized to upcoming kids about them being out of candy and turned to bring Laura inside.  
  
“What are you dressed as, by the way?” Perry asked.  
  
“The fourth doctor! I did it last year too and I still had everything so I thought, why not?”  
  
“It’s lovely! I like the scarf.”  
  
“Thanks,” Laura replied. They made their way up to the door and Perry walked in first, holding the door open behind her for Laura. She hesitated at the door way, even the actual scent of those cookies wasn’t fully pulling her in. As if she picked up on it, Perry stepped back outside and smiled gently.  
  
“Don’t worry, everyone will be so happy to see you.”  
  
“Thanks, Perry,” Laura said.  
  
They both knew Perry was slightly wrong but took comfort in the sweetness of the lie. Laura followed Perry into the living room where two girls that Laura didn’t know sat on the couch. Thank Gandalf, Laura thought, at least there would be two people here that didn’t hate her. One was a tall girl with well, amazing legs, if Laura was honest, who was dressed as Xena. The other was a thin blonde girl with no costume but an orange shirt and black pants to suit the occasion. Laura smiled gently at them.  
  
“Laura, this is Danny and Betty! Girls, this is Laura!” Perry made introductions. Danny smiled politely and waved. Betty gave a more uninterested wave and proceeded to stare at the television.  
  
“We’ve heard a lot about you!” Danny said. “Is it true you once drank sixteen cups of cocoa in a single hour?”  
  
Perry chuckled nervously. One bullet to the heart.  
  
“It was eighteen,” Laura corrected, trying to keep up her smile. “I like your costume!” Laura said.  
  
“Thanks,” Danny said. “I like yours, too. Doctor Who, right?”  
  
“Yeah! Fourth doctor, that’s me!” Laura said.  
  
“Well,” Perry said. “I have to check on how things are going in the kitchen. Do you guys need anything?”  
  
After confirmation that everyone was set to go and stuffed with sweets, Perry darted into the kitchen. Danny invited Laura to sit with her and Betty on the couch. They were watching Hocus Pocus which immediately brought Laura’s anxiety level down. Her and Danny spent a while reciting the lines back and forth to each other and giggling. Betty scoffed a few times and took to reading on her phone. Danny ended up striking conversation with Laura in an attempt to get to know her better. Laura happily complied. Danny ended up telling Laura she had pretty eyes. Laura awkwardly accepted. Danny ended up offering to get Laura coffee sometime. Laura was thankfully saved by LaFontaine running into the room.  
  
“Perry wasn’t kidding,” LaFontaine gasped. “Frosh has returned!”  
  
“Laf!” Laura shouted before jumping off the couch and running to collide into Lafontaine in a bear hug.  
  
“Careful! This thing took weeks!”  
  
Laura let go and backed up to get another look at Laf’s costume. It was an incredible, spot-on Ghostbuster’s uniform.  
  
“You made this?!”  
  
“Well, Perry made the uniform. I made the Proton Pack.”  
  
“You guys did such a good job. Also, your house is lovely.”  
  
“Oh, right. You haven’t seen it yet.” LaFontaine nodded and looked away. Second bullet to the heart. “Well, come on! There’s time for a tour. Do you guys mind if I borrow her for a moment?”  
  
“Make sure you bring her back! We were just getting to know each other,” Danny said. Laura smiled awkwardly.  
  
“Gee, but I was really enjoying listening to her flirting with Lawrence,” Betty said sarcastically. Laura was tempted to start a screaming match but stopped herself. Laf quickly grabbed her by the arm and dragged her to the kitchen.  
  
“Sorry about Betty she’s kind of-”  
  
“Horrible?” Laura asked.  
  
“Little bit, yeah. Were you really flirting with Danny?” LaFontaine asked, almost protective, almost annoyed. _I know, Laf,_ Laura wanted to say, _I’d hate me too if you were in my shoes. I’d hate me even more if I didn’t even ask how Carm was doing before flirting with someone else._ Only, Laura hadn’t entirely flirted, at least not with any intention.  
  
“No,” Laura said. “You actually saved me from a supremely awkward shut down.” Laf sighed in relief.  
  
“You’re welcome, then, Frosh. Anyway, this is our kitchen. Don’t touch anything, Perry spends her thursdays scrubbing it intensively and I swear she can smell fingerprints.”  
  
“Don’t breathe in the direction of any appliances, got it,” Laura nodded. “Where is Perry?”  
  
“Perry,” LaFontaine started timidly which Laura didn’t like. Laf was hardly the kind of person to withhold the truth. “Is in the bedroom, talking to Carmilla.”  
  
“Carm’s here? On time? Jeez, I guess things have changed.” Laura immediately wanted to put fingerprints all over the nice clean oven door. Death by Perry’s rage was infinitely better than the tension she stirred with those words.  
  
“Well, Perry had her help with the food prep considering she was tearing her hair out over it and I’m not allowed to touch the stove after an incident that involved calling in a biohazard team.”  
  
“I’m not going to ask.”  
  
“Really? It was this incredible experiment where I took peanut butter-”  
  
“Hey! Science bro! Where’s the party at?!” A guy dressed as Dracula yelled as he walked into the kitchen. He had a goofy wide smile with fake fangs sitting slightly askew over his teeth. He raised a fist for Laf to bump, which they did.  
  
“Kirsch! Sweet costume, oh, this is Laura, by the way. She’s an old friend.”  
  
“Hey, little sexy! I’m Kirsch. I’ve heard a lot about you!” Kirsch beamed. Three bullets and Laura was slowly drowning in her own metaphorical blood. _They talked about me so much and I never talked to them_ , she thought.  
  
“Kirsch, come on man, I’ve told you about calling people sexy, it’s gross,” Laf said.  
  
“Sorry, little Laura bro!”  
  
“He’s a puppy, really, he just never grew out of his frat boy phase. He’s one of our neighbors. Did you say hi to Danny and Betty?”  
  
“Of course! I tried to say hey to Carmilla sexy, I mean bro, but she took off in a rush, dude!”  
  
“Oh no,” LaFontain sighed. As if on cue, Perry came in the kitchen looking more stressed than ever.  
  
“Kirsch, could you give us a minute?” Laf asked.  
  
“Sure, dude!” Kirsch nodded and made his timely exit, quickly greeting “other ginger bro” on his way out.  
  
“What happened?” Laura asked, her face soaked in dread with a splash of pain.  
  
“Carmilla had to leave,” Perry said, trying to smile. “She wasn’t feeling well.”  
  
“Because of me,” Laura said.  
  
“Well, no, she just, had a cold and we worked on a lot today so-”  
  
“Perr, come on. Yeah, Laura, she heard you were here and kind of freaked out. She wasn’t prepared, y’know? She wasn’t angry, she was just…” Laf trailed off as Laura couldn’t take it anymore. Tears had begun to fall and she wished she was at home, exhausted and falling asleep with Rose kneading her back. She wished she was working early the next morning.  
  
“Hurt,” Laura said. “And scared, and probably at least a little angry. I would be, I am. I don’t know. I should find her.”  
  
LaFontaine tried to grab Laura’s shoulder. “Hey, Frosh, wait, maybe we should just relax, y’know? Let Carmilla cool off.”  
  
“No,” Laura said. “I can’t leave her again.”  
  
With that she was out of the house without another word. She walked to the edge of the sidewalk, finding that most people had finished handing out candy. The night was mostly silent except for a few drifting souls. Laura looked both ways down the street, praying for a sign of the broody mess that was Carmilla. She found nothing.  
  
“Carm!” She yelled. “Carm!” Her throat ached and the tears piled themselves onto burning cheeks. “Please come back!”  
  
Nothing. The wind rustled the trees and carried with it the sound of kids in the distance. The street lights supplied the slightest glow to accent the Halloween lights. Laura stood there, wrapped up in the autumn scenes she usually loved. She nearly collapsed, her knees shook, her breath became so ragged it hurt.  
  
“Laura!” She heard and turned on her heels, hoping it was Carmilla, but knowing it wasn’t. LaFontaine was standing on the porch, ready to run down and grab the girl. Perry came out to stand behind LaFontaine with Danny and Kirsch staring out the window. Laura just shook her head and jogged to her car, taking off as quickly as she could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Laura and Carmilla get interaction next chapter, I promise!


	3. Fly It Far Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had some time this weekend to get out an early chapter. Thank you for all of your comments and Kudos!

"Wish we could turn back time, to the good old days." - Stressed Out (Twenty-One Pilots) **  
  
  
  
Sherman’s House - The Day After**   
  
Laura had spent her morning basking in the glow of her own self pity. She had sectioned off part of her day for crying, part of it for moping, and  most importantly part of it pushing herself through small bites of fruitcake. It was an absolutely horrid portrayal of what cake should be, but she dealt with it. She laid in her old bed, chewing lightly and chugging down water.   
  
“This just isn’t helping,” she whispered to herself. With an exaggerated groan, she decided perhaps she should get up and do something with her day. Maybe she’d go down to the old corner store and see if Jimmy still worked there. He always saved her the freshest of totally not fresh cookies. She smiled slightly at the thought of the mass-produced confections. It faltered quickly when she imagined Jimmy with a stock of hidden cookies that no one ever came for.   
  
“Just go, just go,” she whispered to herself. _Do what you couldn’t do last time._   
  
Laura forced herself out of bed and looked down at her dragon jammies. She knew she should probably change, but still debated it with herself. Why couldn’t people just wear pajamas everywhere? She’d write an article about it when she got back home, she thought. It would be entitled : _Comfort On The Go_. She chuckled to herself as she finished putting on a pair of blue jeans and a Sherlock T-Shirt. She didn’t worry about her hair or the smell of her breath. She simply forced herself with her best effort to leave the room. Just a few deep breaths and she’d be out the door!   
  
Which was a great plan until she heard voices on the other side of the door.   
  
She heard her dad open the front door and proudly greet what sounded like a group of people. There were a few different voices, but she could only make out her dad’s, and-Perry’s? What the heck was going on? An intervention, she thought, for workaholic Laura Hollis. _Shoot, shoot, shoot_. She locked the bedroom door quickly and pressed her ear against it.   
  
“Thank you so much for hosting this week, Sherman.” Perry’s voice was muffled. _Hosting? Oh no_.   
  
“Not a problem, Perry,” Sherman said warmly. “I don’t have coffee, but I do have water and orange juice!”   
  
No, no, no. Laura stepped back and went stiff as a board. Book club, she thought. How could book club be today? Wasn’t it usually on Saturdays? What day was it?   
  
“Well!” Perry started. “Thank you all for making time to reschedule around the holiday, which I hope was lovely for all of you!”   
  
There was a chorus of agreeing voices and small conversations. Perry went on with the introduction to the week’s meeting, and Laura stepped back from the door. Her heart was pounding in her chest. They rescheduled due to the holiday, of course. Okay, but why were they there of all places? The remark Laf had made the night before about Perry’s death warrant for any serial fingerprint makers drifted into her mind. Of course, Laura thought. Perry would still have to clean up from the night before, meaning book club would end up there, of all places and times.   
  
Laura stood for a while, alone, listening to the banter in the other room. They were having a great time, which made Laura happy. However, to go out there and attempt to leave would create a whole crap-ton of awkward she didn’t want to deal with. She thought about going back to bed and stirring up some more self-hatred, but reminded herself that it was no fun without sweets. A thought dawned on her and she turned to face the window.   
  
Was she really about to go down that road again?   
  
**Sherman’s House - During High School**   
  
Laura laid on her bed on her stomach with her elbows propping her up above a large text book. Okay, maybe she had her phone open to fanfiction in the middle of it, but she was at least getting some studying done. Well, maybe the ratio of fanfiction to studying was a bit disproportionate but she had made an attempt. This attempt was further marred by the light sound of knocking against glass. Laura nearly shrieked, jumping up from her book and holding her phone close to her chest. Her breathing was quiet yet rapid as she stared at her window. It was too dark to see anything outside, and all she could hear was the wind. Maybe it was just another bird flying too close?   
  
Then the vague shape of a shadowy hand made it’s way up to the glass, knocking twice. Laura’s heart went into her throat. She could call the cops, she thought. Maybe she should wake up her dad? Then she saw a small light turn itself on outside, and a figure pushing itself up. There was Carmilla’s face, dramatically lit and looking at her with a cocked eyebrow and a near scowl.   
  
“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Laura groaned.     
  
Carmilla’s hand waved for Laura to come to the window, and after a moment of calming herself, she obeyed. She cracked the window to look down at Carmilla, who was up on her toes to see inside.   
  
“What in the world are you doing, Carm?! You almost gave me a heart attack,” Laura strained to keep her voice at a whisper.   
  
“Should I have knocked at the door and gotten yelled at by your dad?”   
  
“You should have used this amazing new device called a phone!”   
  
“Where’s the romance in that, cupcake?” Carmilla smirked, Laura let out a long sigh.   
  
“What do you want, anyway? It’s like eleven,” Laura dodged.   
  
“Eleven, on a school night? Oh dear, how is a young, respectable student like me supposed to get any sleep?”   
  
“Point taken,” Laura agreed.   
  
“And I’m here because the drive-in is having an all night classic horror marathon, and I thought you might like to join us.”   
  
“We couldn’t have gone earlier? Or made plans? Or-wait-who is included in ‘us’?”   
  
“Curly Q and the geek are in my car.”   
  
Laura looked out into the dim light of the trailer park’s streetlights. She spotted Carmilla’s Camaro sitting as busted and sad as it always did. There was an enthusiastic shadow pressed up against the tiny back window, waving at Laura intensely.   
  
“I’m sure Perry is more than thrilled to have snuck out at this hour,” Laura said.   
  
“She’s having a blast,” Carmilla said, sarcastically, of course. “Look, you coming, or not?”   
  
Laura contemplated for a while. If her dad decided to do one of his random fire drills, and found her gone, he’d give a whole lot of trouble to every federal agency available in order to bring her home. She really didn’t want to be the one sending apology cookies to the FBI again, but Carmilla had that stupid look on her face again. That darn run-away-with-me-and-pretend-nothing-matters grin that could make anyone do anything.   
  
“I’ll get dressed,” Laura said.   
  
“Bitchin’. Do you need any help getting out the window, short stuff?”   
  
Laura paused. “Window?”   
  
“Yeah, window, did you intend on getting through your dad’s six thousand security checks some other way?”   
  
“Right,” Laura agreed. After a brief change in clothes and a few prayers to various deities, she was struggling to force herself out the window.  Out the window she went, falling and getting a bruise she had to explain to her dad the next day. Carmilla helped her up and they sprinted to the car. Laf was telling Perry about the really neat special effects they’d see in some of the films. Perry took Laf’s voice as some form of a relaxation tool while she worried about her parents and her sleep schedule. Carmilla pulled away quickly, cackling all the while. Laura simply shook her head, just as scared as Perry had been, yet just as excited as Laf and Carmilla were.     


  
Laura spent half of the night hiding her face in Carmilla’s shoulder, and half of it reassuring Perry everything would be fine. It really was incredible, all things considered, Perry even enjoyed herself after a while. They went home just before sunrise, covered in popcorn, and debating the finer points of Bruce Campbell. They dropped Perry off first, then Laf, then Carmilla rolled up to the trailer. The lights were still off and it wasn’t surrounded by squad cars, so Laura found hope that her dad was still asleep. She looked over to Carmilla who was absent mindedly playing with her steering wheel cover. The streetlight above them gave off an eerie yellow glow. Its light gave Carmilla’s features a new sense of definition and Laura couldn’t help but find it oddly beautiful.   
  
“Thank you,” Laura said quietly.   
  
“For what, cupcake?” Carmilla asked.   
  
“Being such a jerk and essentially kidnapping me,” Laura joked. Carmilla chuckled.   
  
“Yeah, well, maybe if you’d listen to me more, we could have more fun,” Carmilla replied. It was Laura’s turn to chuckle.   
  
“Fun behind bars,” Laura retorted. “Look, I really had fun, and maybe you were right, this time. We should do this again.”   
  
“You’re welcome. Now, get out of my car before this either gets way too cheesy or your dad tries to have me arrested again,” Carmilla said. Even Carmilla, master of brooding and sarcasm couldn’t hide the petite smile her lips held.   
  
“Fair enough,” Laura agreed. She leaned in quickly and hugged Carmilla tight. It was awkward and slightly painful in the small car, but Carmilla returned the gesture. Laura gave her a quick peck on the cheek and practically dashed out of the passenger door. Carmilla sat grinning and watched Laura try to quietly make her way back inside through the front door. She failed, and Carmilla had to make her escape as security alarms started going off and lights were quickly turned on. Laura was scolded mercilessly, despite her fool-proof plan to say she had early morning sweet cravings. She didn’t regret it though, not a single moment.   
  
  
If she had to pick a time, a specific one, that was the night she fell in love with Carmilla.   
  
**The Corner Store - The Day After**   
  
Laura had spent the walk to the corner store nursing a fresh scrape from a very rough landing while coming out the window. It wasn’t a very long fall, but the slightly raised foundation of the trailer still made it a decent drop. It was easier with Carmilla there to catch her in between the older girl’s cackles and taunts. Most things were easier with Carmilla there.   
  
“Little Laura bro!”   
  
_Really?!_ Laura nearly cursed. The perks of being in a small town, she thought.   
  
“Hey, Kirsch,” Laura said, trying to keep up a smile. She looked down at her arm to find the scrape wasn’t too bad and could be easily brushed off if anyone asked. “You work here?” She asked. She glanced around the old shop to find it was the same as always. It smelled of dust and old caramel candies. The walls were white with a faded red trim. She let her eyes wander down to the cracked and slightly yellowed floor tiles. Some things really never changed, she guessed.   
  
“Yeah! That Jimmy dude went away to college, so I get to be the cashier now!”   
  
“That’s great!” Laura feigned excitement. “Do you still sell choc-o-chunk cookies?”   
  
“Cookies?! We used to sell those? Man, okay no, but we do have Hearty Cakes!”   
  
What?! She had risked life and limb and there weren’t even any choc-o-chunks? She’d really have to talk to the owner the next time she saw him.   
  
“I guess I’ll get some of those, then.”   
  
“Sorry, little bro!”   
  
“Not your fault, uh, dude,” Laura said awkwardly. Kirsch turned back to his counter and helped a customer. The counter was small and wedged up against the wall on the left. The shop opened to three small aisles with a wall of refrigerators on the right. Laura continued down the right-most aisle, feeling a small gust from the sad, old ceiling fan above her. She eyed the Hearty Cakes for a while before deciding on Banana-rangers and grabbing grape soda from the fridge. She turned to make her way toward the counter as she was reminded of how many times she’d been t here. Her and Laf used to walk down there every time they had a sleepover as kids. Laura would get cookies and grape soda, and Laf would get sour gummy worms and Mello Yellow. It was the only time Laura was free to have sugar, and they’d bounce off the walls nearly all night. Laura sighed, practically watching the former version of herself skipping through the door with her best friend.   
  
“I’ve missed you so much,” she whispered to herself. She shook her head and continued toward the counter to be greeted again by Kirsch’s warm smile.   
  
“So uh, are you doing okay, little bro?” Kirsch asked. “Everyone was freaked out a bit after you and Carmilla-bro left.”   
  
“I’m fine,” Laura lied. “How did the party go?”   
  
“It was pretty rad! Ell brought a bunch of movies when she showed up. We watched some killer thriller flicks and ate cookies until Danny puked on the kitchen floor.”   
  
“I’m sure Perry was super happy about that,” Laura laughed.   
  
“Not at all, little bro. But she was a good sport, and Danny helped clean it up.”   
  
“That’s good, at least. Did Carmilla come back?”   
  
“Nope. LaFontaine ended up leaving to find her after a while.”   
  
“Did they find her?”   
  
“Yeah-huh,” Kirsch said. “Dunno what happened though, you’ll have to ask science bro.”   
  
A customer behind Laura cleared her throat to signal that they’d spent entirely too much time talking. Laura quickly thanked Kirsch and went back out the door. She walked as quickly as possible back to the trailer, hoping no one had realized she was gone. She found no squad cars out front, but, she still had to find a way in without alarming the book club. She could, hypothetically, go through the back door but she didn’t have a key for all the locks. She could also make an attempt to get back in through the window, but knew it would end much worse than coming out of it did. She looked down at her stinging arm and then back up at the trailer. She’d have to go back in eventually. She made a mental note to finally learn a way to get back in unnoticed if she ever found a reason to escape again. She then strode up to the door, bracing herself for scolding, and tried the doorknob. It turned and she slowly pried the door open.   
  
“Laura?” Sherman’s voice rang through the small room. “When did you leave? I didn’t see you-” Sherman paused as he looked at her, noticing the scrape on her arm. Perry cleared her throat, truly the savior of the afternoon and Sherman bowed his head.   
  
“Would you like to join us, Laura?” Perry asked, nearly timid. Laura cocked her head and looked at Perry. There were a few people in a circle around her dad’s coffee table. There was Danny from the other night, a couple of older women, her dad, and another young woman, but Laura only saw Perry. There was this look of hope that seeked to destroy everything Laura had ever felt in the most innocent of ways. Perry, who had consoled their weeping friends and waited by them, was still there, with her hand extended. Laura couldn’t handle it, she just couldn’t. Her mouth opened once or twice, her throat threatening to swallow any sound she could make. She nodded ever so slightly, and quickly walked over to sit on the couch between Danny and Perry.   
  
“What have you been reading?” She finally asked. Perry was happy to answer.   
  
**LaFontaine and Perry’s House - The Day After**   
  
“Where did you even go last night?” LaFontaine asked with a concerned expression. Carmilla scoffed.   
  
“Isn’t your dearly beloved usually the one to scold me?” She asked.   
  
“Yeah, well, Perry’s at book club, so I’m taking up the temporary parent-friend role.”   
  
“Can I at least come inside?” Carmilla asked, gesturing at the porch around her.   
  
“Oh, sure, of course!” LaFontaine said quickly, opening the door widely and waving for Carmilla to enter. As Carmilla walked by, Laf could see leaves and dirt sticking out in a few places in Carmilla’s bed head. She was still wearing most of her Halloween costume, a white ruffled shirt caked in fake blood blood, covered with a large sailor’s coat. Her pants and boots were just her usual leather attire. Her hat and sword were gone and most of the make-up had been wiped from her face.   
  
“You look like shit, captain,” Laf noted.   
  
“I try,” Carmilla replied.   
  
“Do you want to get a shower?”   
  
“I will when I go home, just thought I’d check in with you.” Carmilla began to scan the living room, then proceeded to the kitchen. Laf stared at her for a moment before things came together.   
  
“You left your keys here, didn’t you?”   
  
“That I did,” Carmilla replied. “How’d you guess?”   
  
“Your car is still down the street,” Laf replied.   
  
“That’d do it,” Carmilla replied, nodding. “Do you know where they are?”   
  
“Well, no. Anything before the cookie incident is a little fuzzy.”   
  
“Cookie incident?” Carmilla asked with a cocked brow. Laf laughed nervously.   
  
“Yeah, probably best to leave that one be, Perry is gonna have nightmares for weeks.”   
  
“Noted. Are you gonna help me look or just watch me do it?”   
  
“Right,” Laf responded. They began to help in the search effort, and left no pillow unturned and no drawer unopened. They looked for around half an hour before Carmilla started groaning and cursing under her breath. How could anything disappear in a house that damn clean?   
  
“Found them!” LaFontaine shouted triumphantly. Carmilla followed the sound of their voice into the bedroom where Laf was wiggling to get out from under the bed. They sat up and smiled. “You must have dropped them when you came in here.”   
  
“Marvelous. I’ll be taking those and going home, then,” Carmilla said, extending a hand to take the keys. LaFontaine quickly shut their hand.   
  
“Nuh-uh,” Laf said. “First, tell me where you went last night.”   
  
“Really? Do we have to do this?” Carmilla asked. Laf didn’t reply and held the faux pirate’s gaze. Carmilla finally sighed. “Fine, I went to the park. Happy?”   
  
“Of course, the one place I didn’t check.”   
  
“Can I have my keys now?”   
  
“Are you going to be okay?”   
  
Carmilla was a bit taken aback by the question. She eyed LaFontaine curiously. Would she be okay? What would make the geek think otherwise? She then remembered her quick escape from the party. Still, she thought, she was an adult and could handle herself just fine.   
  
“Of course,” Carmilla lied, nodding.   
  
“You’re a good liar, and I’ll give you credit, but me and Perr were seriously worried about you and Laura last night.”   
  
The name rang in Carmilla’s ears like an off key bell tolling the time just a few minutes too late. Maybe it was just the hangover, after all, waking up on a playground slide while cuddling a bottle of Jack was not her proudest moment. Though, the kindergarteners who found her seemed to find it funny.   
  
“Maybe I’m not fine,” Carmilla admitted. “But as I told Perry last night, what’s happening isn’t exactly fair.”   
  
LaFontaine nodded, if there was truly a God, they were certainly playing a cruel game with them. “It’s not, Carmilla. You can’t keep beating yourself up about it, and you definitely can’t act like you’re the only one who’s afraid.”   
  
Carmilla felt a strange shock go through her body. No, she wasn’t the only one who was afraid, and she wasn’t the only one who had lost Laura. In fact, LaFontaine may have taken it the hardest out of any of them. They kept it so wrapt up though, for Perry, for Carmilla.   
  
“I know I’m not,” Carmilla finally said. “Look, I freaked out, because after so long of not hearing anything, there she was. There she was just walking up and surprising us like she had planned it to just be some joyous occasion. She didn’t even send a damn postcard from her amazing new life! It’s fucked up.”   
  
“Well, we all know Laura always has good intentions, she’s just not great at following up on them. We let her go, Carmilla. All of us did. We watched it happen because we didn’t have a choice, and it sucks, it really does. We can’t screw it up and run scared in the one chance we have to get her back.”   
  
Carmilla contemplated for a while. She remembered the day, a little over two years before, where Laura had held her way too tight for way too long. She remembered crying into Laura’s shoulder, unable to make any sound. She remembered wanting to scream and hold her there and make her stay. She didn’t have a choice, though. It wasn’t her call. She was still just so fucking angry that Laura would dare get in her car after saying goodbye, and take her heart with her.   
  
She hated how much she loved her that day.   
  
“She’s just going to leave again. We don’t even know if she already left to go back home. We don’t even know if she’s the same person! Damn it, I was almost over it! I had almost healed and she just gets to walk in here and rip the wound back open!? I’m not chasing after someone who ran away from everything and played god damn dead!”   
  
“Carmilla!” LaFontaine shouted. They were both crying, with LaF on the floor wiping snot off their face, and Carmilla shaking in front of them. “Clearly we weren’t over it. We wouldn’t even say her name, and if I recall, you were the first one to give up trying to contact her. She’s here now, and you ran off before even finding out if she changed. There’s no formula or equation to figure out how this will go. There’s just us, sad people, who really need to suck it up and do something!”   
  
“You sound like her,” Carmilla said. She started to chuckle. “The knight in shining armor. You’re not going to give up, are you?”   
  
“Never have, never will. I used to look up to her,” LaFontaine admitted softly. They wiped a few more tears from their cheeks and sniffled. A thick silence poured over them just for a second before it was wiped away too. “Did I ever tell you how I met her?”   
  
“In school, right?”   
  
“Yeah. I was six. I was playing with the super cool dump truck in the sandbox. These bigger kids came, and they took the truck away. I may have started to cry. Then came Laura, even smaller than me, who just yelled and yelled at them until they ran away crying. It was actually pretty harcore.”   
  
“Sounds like loudmouth Hollis,” Carmilla said.   
  
“Yeah,” Laf agreed. “Which is why we have to go after her and sort this out. I know you haven’t given up, Carmilla, and I’m going whether or not you come with me.”   
  
Carmilla thought for a moment. She’d be facing the horror of getting her heart broken again, but she also had the chance to finally let it heal. She steeled herself and let a sigh through her nose.   
  
“Fine, let me get a shower first.”   
  
“There’s the fearless Carmilla we know and love. I’ll get a towel!”   
  
LaFontaine got up from the floor and wiped away the last bit of tears from their face. They darted past Carmilla and into the hallway.   
  
“Carmilla!” LaF heard.   
  
“What?! I’ll replace the vase, okay?”   
  
“This isn’t about whatever it is Perry is going to scold us for later,” LaF reassured as they walked back in. They were clutching their phone tightly in their hand. “Perry just texted me!”   
  
“And? Are we finally painting your horrid kitchen walls?”   
  
“No,” Laf deadpanned. “They’re having bookclub at Sherman’s this week.”   
  
“And?” Carmilla repeated, rolling her wrist to get the geek to finish.   
  
“Laura’s there! And she’s participating! She’s still here, but not for long. She’s leaving tonight. Come on, we gotta go!”   
  
Carmilla stood wide-eyed. The elusive Laura Hollis, actually out, and talking to Perry of all people. Shower be damned, she had a heart to mend.


	4. Take Me the Way I Am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am back! I re-wrote this chapter a couple of times before fading into the intensity of the Christmas season in retail. After all that, I went back to work on this emotional roller coaster. Special thanks to all of the readers who have waited so long for this update. I really hope that it was worth the wait! I should be back onto a weekly update schedule! Enjoy the absolute pain that is this chapter and a couple more blasts from the past.

_"Your head is aching, I'll make it better." - The Way I Am (Ingrid Michaelson)_ **  
  
  
Carmilla’s Car - Outside Sherman’s House - The Day After**   
  
The ride over had been nearly silent. Carmilla kept focused on the road to ease her thoughts while LaFontaine seemed lost in a daydream. It was odd to catch LaF in a moment of thought that wasn’t paired with research notes or half constructed doomsday devices. Carmilla soaked up in the rare moment, and enjoyed the peace until her car came to a slow, nearly smooth stop. She basked in the afternoon sun and the stillness of the trailer park. It was almost as if time had stopped. That is, until some geek decided to ruin it.    
  
“Do you remember the first time we all hung out together?” LaFontaine asked, finally looking away from the window and over at Carmilla.    
  
“Was that the time we went to the Plague Buffet?” Carmilla asked, not recalling the real name, and not really wanting to.    
  
“Yes,” LaF chuckled. “And none of us had any idea how to converse with each other.”    
  
“I believe your dearly beloved ended up giving a practical seminar on the proper forks to use for each food,” Carmilla said. “Which I’m pretty sure Laura took notes on.”    
  
“I don’t know how we would have survived if we didn’t eat about two way-too-stacked plates of food during the lecture.”    
  
“Well, there was also that food fight.”    
  
“We’re not allowed to talk about it. Perry bleached her shirt three times and still couldn’t get the stains out of it.”    
  
“Oh, I don’t even wanna hear it. Laura and I were picking noodles out of our hair for hours.”    
  
“There were no victors that day, only victims. I’ve heard that place still has our pictures on the wall behind the counter. They were really not fond of rice balls being used as tactical explosives for some reason.”    
  
“I’m amazed such a breeding ground for disease still exists,” Carmilla said. LaF shrugged, deftly avoiding the memory of how sick they all were the week after. The two sat thinking for just a moment, a well orchestrated memory humming in both of their minds. LaFontaine’s grin turned into a chuckle, which turned into infectious laughter. Soon the two of them were giggling and cackling about their previous food battle, as if it had just occurred. Carmilla could practically feel Laura in the seat next to her, sick as a dog, but laughing behind a sauce coated face. LaFontaine could almost see Perry next to them, shouting incoherently and scrubbing at her shirt.    
  
“We should go again.”    
  
“Do you suddenly have a death wish?”    
  
LaFontaine went to reply but the sudden appearance of figures ahead of them took their attention. Betty was walking away from them toward her car with a freshly lit cigarette in hand. Two other women were walking just past them and talking quietly. LaFontaine looked back at Carmilla who was rolling down her window and smirking.    
  
“I thought you were too smart to smoke, Betty!” Carmilla called.    
  
“And I thought you were too rich to drive that piece of shit!” Betty called back.    
  
“Excuse me?!” Carmilla called back. Her smirk still remained strong as she grabbed the door handle and shouldered the door open.    
  
“You heard me, Karnstein!” Betty called back.    
  
“Can I at least get one of those cancer sticks from you if you’re going to insult my noble steed?” She called back, walking toward the blonde.    
  
“Answer is the same as usual, dickwad” Betty called back, flipping her off with her free hand and unlocking her car with the other.    
  
“Gee, you’re a real pal, Betty!” Carmilla taunted. Betty got into her car and quickly started the engine. Her car squealed and cried when she pulled off, knocking up the dirt under the tires. She turned and drove at Carmilla, who now hosted a wide smile and stood strong against the oncoming vehicle. Betty pulled slightly to her right, missing Carmilla and applying the brakes.    
  
“I’m going to actually hit you one day, you asshole,” Betty said through her open window. She held out a cigarette between her fingers and Carmilla eyed her curiously. All the times she asked, Betty never actually gave her one.    
  
“I know you’re getting your demented little Goof Troop back together today, so here. A good luck charm, you’re gonna need it for when this whole thing blows up on you.”    
  
“Awh, thanks. Does this mean we’re friends now?” Carmilla grinned, letting her sarcasm flow.    
  
“Just take it before I change my mind!” Betty shouted, and Carmilla snatched the smoke. She nodded a thank you as Betty soared off. LaFontaine finally got out of the car and stared at Carmilla who was fishing a lighter out of her pocket.    
  
“I’m amazed she hasn’t actually killed you yet,” LaFontaine noted aloud.    
  
“She secretly loves me, and you know it,” Carmilla said. She got the cigarette lit and took a deep breath.    
  
“Sure, love is the word we’ll go with,” LaFontaine said. They stood for a few minutes. Carmilla had taken to leaning against her car and LaFontaine was slowly pacing back and forth, kicking the dirt beneath them. Carmilla took long, slow drags from her cigarette. LaFontaine awkwardly waved when Ell’s dad picked her up. The parking lot slowly emptied and eventually, they were alone again.    
  
“Do you think she knows we’re here?” Carmilla finally asked. Her cigarette was dwindling down to its filter.    
  
“I think your shouting match with Betty may have tipped her off, but either way, she hasn’t gone running.”   
  
“At least not yet,” Carmilla said quietly.    
  
  
**Two Years Before - Christiansburg, Virginia**   
  
They were all together, through everything.    
  
LaFontaine had coached Laura through Santa not being real. That was a hard one. Laura had believed in LaFontaine during each and every science fair. It wasn’t hard to beat paper volcanoes, but still, LaF was small. It’s hard to be a big dreamer when you’re small. Perry came along and coached them all through real manners. Perry taught them the importance of schedules and caring for the things you wanted to keep. It wasn’t hard, they cared about Perry, and they would keep her. Carmilla came along and cared about nothing. It was hard to get passed anything with her. It was hard to reveal her gooey, mushy hidden core. They found it though, lying on a swing set on a summer night. Then came the Plague Buffet. Then came everything, everything scary and adult and so very real. They did it together. It all started unraveling with two simple words.    
  
“I’m leaving,” Laura had said. That’s all it took.    
  
“Leaving what?” LaFontaine had asked. The four of them sat on the small playground. It was a nearly warm night. Spring was coming so slowly. It was lucky for them. Well, it was lucky for Laura. Laura who hid, Laura who lied. Laura who sat quietly for most of the night on a swing with LaFontaine swinging next to her.    
  
“Are you leaving me, ‘cause public break-up is not the way I pictured this ending,” Carmilla said from the slide. Her feet dangled off the end, even with her knees pulled up.    
  
“Is this about what happened on Halloween?” Perry asked. She was curled up in the yellow, plastic arch above the slide.    
  
“Yes,” Laura answered. She finally looked up as her eyes began to water. “I had applied for a college in New York City. I had never heard back from them over the summer. But, in October I got a letter.”    
  
Laura paused. She glanced around to find three faces staring intently at her. LaFontaine’s swing had halted, Carmilla had sat up, Perry held herself halfway out the arch. Laura cleared her throat and continued.    
  
“There had been an issue in their system. They had loved my submitted pieces, but obviously couldn’t invite me for the fall semester. They worked out the issue and invited me to start some of my classes this Spring.”    
  
Tears, so many quiet tears were building. No one made a sound but the night. Trees rustled with the wind, crickets chirped, and Laura began to sob. She knew she couldn’t ask for comfort, not while breaking someone else’s heart. Shoot, she broke three hearts at once. Four, if she included her own. She let out a heavy breath.    
  
“I’m leaving for New York in two weeks.”    
  
Those two weeks would in quadruple the time that the rest of Winter had. They passed with broken sentences and nights that felt colder alone. They passed with near arguments and tears that just wouldn’t dry. They passed with promises of phone calls and visits on every break. They passed with promises so quickly broken. They ended at Sherman’s with Carmilla laying completely still on the floor. She had given up pacing and had taken to nursing a bottle of whiskey in the living room. She had only moved once in an hour, and that was to vomit. LaFontaine sat with dead eyes, taking apart Sherman’s television remote and putting it back together. LaFontaine had lost count of how many times they did it, and Perry didn’t even try to keep up. Perry simply shuffled between both rooms, checking on her beloved and her friend.    
  
Sherman passed quietly into the living room and very, very carefully stepped over the brooding Carmilla.    
  
“How uh, how is everyone doing?” He whispered to Perry. She only shook her head and looked to the floor. It was time to check on Carmilla again. She went to brush past him but he grabbed her by the arm.    
  
“Listen,” he said. He let go of her and tried to make eye contact but she rejected. He sighed. “As far as I’m concerned, you are all my children, and I don’t like a lot of what you guys do. I don’t like what you get mixed up in, especially since Leather, Sex, and Rock and Roll came along, okay? But you’re family, and I know you take care of my daughter. So thank you, and when she’s-when, oh God, when she’s gone, I’ll take care of all of you, understand?”    
  
Perry finally looked up to him, new tears rolling over old ones. She pulled him into a tight hug and he squeezed her back. They heard the slow creak of Laura’s bedroom door opening. It was followed by a remote dropping to the table, then by the sound of Carmilla forcing herself up. Laura walked into the living room and mustered everything inside of her to look at what was in front of her. It was everything, everything she loved so dearly. She tried to remind herself countless times for months that she had to do this, that she had to do it for herself. She had to become what she was meant to be. Laura looked at them though, four broken hearts, five including her own, and she wondered if there would be anything left of her to become anything at all after that day.    
  
“I guess it’s time,” she finally said.    
  
**Sherman’s House - The Day After**   
  
“I guess it’s time,” LaFontaine said.    
  
“I guess it has to be,” Carmilla replied. She had discarded her cigarette and stood next to Laf, staring at the door. LaFontaine took a deep breath and knocked six times in a rhythm. Carmilla smiled faintly.    
  
“The secret knock? Are we in high school again?”    
  
“That’s everyone’s secret knock!” LaF retorted. “It is a sacred right to use that knock.”    
  
Carmilla was going to say something sarcastic and moderately rude when the door swung open. There stood Sherman, smiling.    
  
“I was hoping you’d come by,” he said quietly. “Come in.”    
  
He opened the door completely and gestured for both of them to step inside. Their eyes immediately went searching for any trace of the elusive Hollis. They found nothing, only Perry who had taken to dusting the ceiling fan.    
  
“You came!” Perry exclaimed. She immediately covered her mouth with the duster, as if it were the most terrifying surprise party of all time. “Sorry, I was helping Sherman with the clean-up and I got carried away.”    
  
“Please don’t apologize, it is such an honor to have you clean my house.”    
  
“Anytime, now, we have important matters at hand.”    
  
“Yeah, important matters as in where the fuck is Laura?” Carmilla asked.    
  
“Here, sort of. She’s in her room packing,” Perry said with a nod. Carmilla immediately prepared to storm in, stomping a whole two steps before LaFontaine grabbed her.    
  
“Hold on, Jack, you can run after Rose in a minute. We need a game plan. This is our last chance before this whole thing sinks, forever.”    
  
“We couldn’t have come up with one in the car?!” Carmilla shouted.    
  
“Or, you know, you could just yell so she knows you’re here and angry. No, we need Perry and Sherman in on this.”    
  
“So we’re going to plan a full on invasion plan with her down the hall,” Carmilla retorted.    
  
“She has a point,” Perry chimed in.    
  
“Fine, do it your way,” LaFontaine said. They let go of Carmilla’s arm and shrugged.    
  
“I’m going in, alone,” Carmilla said.    
  
“But-” LaFontaine started but Sherman lifted a hand.    
  
“They have the longest way to go on making peace,” Sherman said.    
  
“Fair enough,” LaFontaine said with a nod.    
  
“Thanks, pops,” Carmilla said.    
  
“Don’t make me regret it,” Sherman said.    
  
“I’m sure I will,” Carmilla said.    
  
**The Playground - Two Years Before**   
  
Carmilla had a rough landing from the slide. It was clumsy, but if she fell, she didn’t care. She was the only one other than Laura with the capability to speak at the time. She was the only one who could effortlessly turn pain into fear and then rapidly turn fear into anger.    
  
“How long did you know?” She spat.    
  
“I didn’t read the letter until Halloween. I didn’t see it.”    
  
“And what, your dad, most protective man on the planet, is just letting you go?” Carmilla asked.    
  
“It’s not exactly easy for him,” Laura said. Her words were sheepish, Carmilla’s were loud. Laura couldn’t face them for months, Carmilla could take on the world in that single moment.    
  
“Oh, well, that sucks for him, doesn’t it? At least he knew!” Carmilla’s hands went to her face and her nails dug into her cheeks. She let out a loud, aggressive groan.    
  
“I couldn’t tell you, and this is why. I knew how upset you’d be and I couldn’t take it, I just couldn’t,” Laura said.    
  
“So, what, you waited until you wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore? You waited until you were leaving? Do you have any idea how fucked up that is? After all this, after all these years, just a quick apology and a so long when your foot is already out the door? That’s not even cowardice Laura,  it’s fucking cruel. You had months to start to heal your wounds, you don’t just get to rip them open for all of us last minute!”    
  
Laura’s mouth opened, then closed. Her face was soaked, but she only stared at the wood chips beneath her. They had no answers, no words of valor. They just sat as boring, old wood chips on a playground. She wanted to look to Laf, but couldn’t. LaFontaine would feel the pain the hardest. She wanted to look to Perry for her sage-like advice, but knew that no amount of advice, even if it was given, would save her. She sat alone with her wood chips and hoped that everything would fade.    
  
“I’m sorry,” Laura said quietly. “I’m so sorry, I just, I couldn’t.”    
  
“Couldn’t? I was unaware that was in your vocabulary. You were the girl that could do anything! Remember that? Remember that girl that never stopped or gave up? That was the girl I fell in love with. I guess we’ll have a funeral for her this week.”    
  
“Carmilla, please,” Laura gasped. She finally looked up at Carmilla. The dim, single light behind Carmilla turned the tall girl into a shadow. Laura could only see her legs spread in a defensive position. Her breathing was so jagged that her whole body labored with each breath. Laura couldn’t take it. She couldn’t take all this destruction for one, single birth of a dream.    
  
“I had to do this,” she said. “I had to follow my dreams. It’s such a good opportunity and I couldn’t pass it up. I spent so long thinking about it, I didn’t even reply right away. The idea of leaving you wasn’t just simple. It wasn’t something I did on a whim. I’ve wanted this my whole life, Carm.  Please, understand.”    
  
“I understand. Colleges nearby weren’t good enough. We weren’t good enough. God, of all of the times to run away from things, why now? Why fucking now?!”    
  
“Be selfish then!” Laura’s words probably rang through the entire town. The crickets seemed to go extinct all at once, the wind even stopped at her call. “You can miss me, you can hate me, you can never want to see me again all you want without ever thinking about whether or not this hurts me, whatever! I gave you the truth, was it at a bad time? Yes. I can’t go back and fix that. But I didn't even think this was possible, I never thought I would make it into a school like that. I didn't even tell my own dad I applied until I was accepted, because I thought it was a joke. And you definitely can’t say you weren’t good enough, when I didn't think I was even good enough for the only thing I haven't messed up! You are everything to me, I’m sorry that this turned me into nothing to you.”    
  
Laura stood from her swing without ever even glancing at Perry or LaFontaine. She gave Carmilla one last look before whispering that she loved her, and that whether or not it mattered, she was still sorry. She walked right past Carmilla and out into the welcoming embrace of the dark. She heard Carmilla wailing and kicking up wood chips. She heard her scream in anger and pain until she was too far away. She made it home that night and collapsed on the couch. Her head was spinning and somewhere between pain, exhaustion, fear, and anger she fell asleep not knowing whether or not she’d ever made a good choice in her life. 

**  
  
****Sherman’s House - The Day After**   
  
Carmilla stood with her forehead against Laura’s door. She heard the others talking quietly in the other room. Her heart pounded in her chest. She replayed every word that was said before Laura left the first time. She replayed every way she had tried to rip the other girl apart. She had every right, of that she was still convinced. Yet still, she tried to calculate ways to make up for it. When they used to fight, Carmilla would show up at her window with cocoa. There was not enough cocoa in the whole state of Virginia to make up for this. She scowled before knocking softly on the door. Laura opened it quickly, nearly making Carmilla fall.   
  
“Hey,” Laura said. She stood straight, clearly tense. She was wearing a Muse shirt and simple jeans. Carmilla stared for a moment while recomposing herself.   
  
“Hey,” Carmilla said. There was no turning back. Well, she could just leave. She could leave like Laura left. She could just walk away. She knew though, that it wouldn’t work. She knew she’d think about that moment, forever. So she decided, in the same amount of time that she could turn pain into anger, and anger into fear, to turn it all back into something that it used to be. She pushed herself to look at up at Laura’s face. Laura was thinner than before and dark bags pulled at her eyes. To be quite frank, she looked like shit. The city had eaten her alive.  “Can I come in?”   
  
“Sure, I’m almost done packing,” Laura said. Carmilla nodded. Laura turned and went back to what little she brought with her. In reality it should have taken her ten minutes to pack. In her reality, it took hours. On a typical day, she would have been neat and tidy. On that day, she was tired and well, panicked.   
  
“I heard the party was a real riot after we left last night,” Carmilla said. Good job,  she thought to herself. Just go ahead and bring up the fact that you ran out of the door as soon as she showed up.   
  
“Oh yeah, I did too, I can’t believe Perry is functional after the puke incident,” Laura chuckled. Carmilla smiled.   
  
“I really wish I could have seen her face,” Carmilla thought aloud. Good, just remind her twice, for good measure, she scolded herself.   
  
“Me too,” Laura said softly. She turned to face Carmilla who had taken to sitting on the bed. She seemed fairly relaxed. Her back was against the wall, and her boots were putting dirt on the freshly made bed. Nothing had changed, not really.   
  
“Carm-” Laura started. “I don’t even know what to say.”   
  
“When you figure it out, let me know, I’m not exactly Tolstoy today myself.”   
  
Laura chuckled once more. There was, somehow, a light air in the room. There was also fear, so much fear, but it was masked under the need to relax. Laura looked like she was ready to collapse into Carmilla’s arms and just talk absentmindedly until she fell asleep like she used to. Carmilla wanted her to. Carmilla wanted her to fall into her so she could play with her hair and listen to her.   
  
“Do you still care about me?” Laura asked.   
  
Carmilla wanted to ensure her that was the absolute most idiotic question she had heard in her entire life. She was laying on the bed where they used to lay and talk. They would listen to local band demos or watch bad, old horror movies rented from the library. The window was beside her where Laura would sneak out and see local bands at backyard shows with her. It was the same window she snuck into the first night they had sex. They ingested half a bag of something that represented itself as beer and ended the night in an awkward sprawl of clumsy limbs. They laughed about it that night and for weeks afterward. Carmilla chuckled even thinking about it.   
  
“I guess not,” Laura said.   
  
“No! No, of course I do. I really do. I missed you, cupcake. Being in this room just brings up a lot of memories.”   
  
Laura nodded before getting wrapped up in a thought. After a few seconds, she chuckled too, and Carmilla knew exactly what she was thinking about.   
  
“I missed you too, jerk,” Laura said. “I really, really did.”   
  
“A phone call to let me know would have been nice.”   
  
“I did keep in touch for a little while. My dad and I just didn’t really plan enough on how much it was going to cost for me to live up there. I could barely afford food, let alone a phone. Once I got a job, I had a phone there. I just, well, I couldn’t even think of what to say after a while. I would dial the number a few times but I never let the call go through. I was scared. I couldn’t handle the idea of your lives moving on without me. I wanted them to, I wanted you to keep moving forward, because I know I did. I just couldn’t hear it, I couldn’t know it was real.”  
  
“It wasn’t real, cupcake. We did what might equate to moving on. We decided after a while that we were actually really proud of you for making it into that school. We just had to sulk for a while to figure it out.”   
  
“Yeah, that isn’t exactly better,” Laura replied. Carmilla nodded.   
  
“We all screwed this up. You lied, and you hid, and you ran. We cried, and I yelled, and we ran. We were all idiots, well, I am never quite an idiot, but you get my point,” Carmilla said with a smirk.   
  
“I don’t know, that time you said you could totally make it through those traffic cones was a little idiotic,” Laura retorted.   
  
“That is not the point here, creampuff,” Carmilla said. She scooted herself to the edge of the bed and took small steps until she was standing in front of Laura. “The point is that I’m tired of missing you and being afraid of what will happen to us. We aren’t cowards and we have never been.”   
  
“So then what do we do, Carm? Pretend none of it ever happened? I’m going back tonight,” Laura said. She went to look away but Carmilla gently grabbed her cheeks and held her gaze. Laura’s eyes wanted to water but couldn’t, not after so much crying.   
  
“We look our fears in the eyes and tell them to take a hike,” Carmilla said. “When are you leaving?”   
  
“In an hour,” Laura said.   
  
“Will you call this time?”   
  
“Every day,” Laura promised.   
  
“Will you come visit on the holidays?”   
  
“Every. Single. One.”   
  
“Do you accept the fact that if you run, if you hide, and if you turn back on your promises, we won’t be waiting for you this time?”   
  
Laura paused but nodded. Carmilla drew her into her arms and squeezed. She could have come in, guns blazing. They could have fought and screamed and burned the house to the ground. She could have come in crying and begging Laura not to leave again. She could have come to the window, cocoa in hand, praying that romantics were enough. Instead she came in with nothing, and listened. Hopefully one day, she would lay on that bed after coming through that window, and listen again and again and again. She held Laura tight and kissed her on the head. She only had one way of knowing whether or not those promises would be fulfilled. It involved being patient and that was not one of Carmilla's strong suits. For this though, for this small moment to occur, for all of their high school glory to return, and for every moment yet to happen, she would do her best. She would do the exact opposite of what she was programmed to.   
  
She would wait. After all, nothing really changed. 


	5. You Don't Know How Lovely You Are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've noticed that I reference local shows a lot when depicting my version of Carmilla's background. This mostly stems from experience. For those that are new to my work (AKA not around since my ancient Bubbline/Korrasami days) I was in a punk band for about five years. I used a bit of that for inspiration in this week's update. Anyway, enough about me, and on to the suffering. 
> 
> A bit of a short chapter this week, but I feel the pacing is where it needs to be. I anticipate one or two more chapters out of this before we meet our ending. Thank you all for your support, reviews, and kindness. Special thanks to Georgia-Atlanta, Whoop, 61wisampa, jackinaboxx, and any of my non-comment-making followers who have been here since the beginning of this. Thanks also to Nootvanlis on Tumblr for just being a supportive lil' sweetie pie. 
> 
> If you feel like you'll miss this story, don't worry, I'll be around. Drop me a line on tumblr or here and we'll make beautiful fics together. <3

_"Nobody said it was easy, it's such a shame for us to part._  
_Nobody said it was easy, but no one said it would be this hard._  
_Oh, take me back to the start." - The Scientist (Coldplay) **  
  
  
**_**The Playground - Freshman Year**  
  
Nothing was quite as simple as the joy of seeing who could swing the highest. It was tradition, really, even before their lives went down stressful paths. They used to swap stories about finally making it all the way around the top bar when they were young. They weren’t true stories, of course, but anything is possible when you’re a child. They spent every moment they could at the playground laughing and talking. Sometimes, they spent their time in complete silence, just kissing the clouds until the world stopped turning.  
  
There was a particular evening neither of them would ever forget. It was one of those simple times, just them and the swings. It was a reticent evening, somehow. A lot of the children had gone home with the early call of the street lights. The world around them was coming to peace with another day past. The sky dripped coral into the fading blue of the sky like an upside down reef. Fireflies began to speckle the Earth in their strange glow.  
  
Laura and LaFontaine sat in their traditional seats, kicking the growing shadows and the occasional wood chip. Summer was ending at last and they would enjoy what warmth they could. They watched the sunset as a shadow behind them grew tall under the setting sun. They hadn’t even noticed until the sound of crunching wood chips startled them. They both slammed their feet into the chips and turned to look at who was approaching.  
  
The new arrival stopped and chuckled. She went to breeze right by them, smirking all the way.  
  
“Hey, you’re Karnstein, aren’t you?” Laf asked. The girl scoffed.  
  
“Carmilla,” she corrected.  
  
“Right, sorry, I didn’t know your first name.”  
  
“Most don’t,” Carmilla said.  
  
“You wanna come swing with us?” Laura asked.  
  
“Are you actually ten years old or do you really have nothing better to do?” Carmilla asked. She turned to face them and in the dim light they could see an enormous bruise on her left cheek which was accompanied by a busted lip. Laura would take a timid jump and ask her about it the next time they hung out. Carmilla had gotten into a fight at school. She didn’t pick it, two guys did, but Carmilla won. Carmilla became Laura’s hero that day.  
  
“We’re actually pretty entertained, thanks,” Laura retorted. Laura kicked off the ground and began to swing her legs. LaF only sat and watched Carmilla.  
  
“If you’re not here for the purest form of entertainment in the neighborhood, why are you on the playground?” LaF asked.  
  
“I’m just passing through,” Carmilla replied. “There’s a backyard show down on Lustig Street.”  
  
“Woah, one of the hardcore shows?” Laf asked. They looked to Laura who was trying to ignore the entire conversation.  
  
“Precisely,” Carmilla replied.  
  
“Mind if I join you?” LaF asked after a moment of contemplation.  
  
“Really?” Laura hissed.  
  
“What? I love these swings more than anyone, but come on, a backyard show!”  
  
“You know that people are going to drink beer out of a bag and beat each other to near-death, right?” Laura asked. Carmilla only watched their interaction. Her smirk turned into a grin.  
  
“It’s not quite like that, I don’t think,” LaF replied. “Is it like that?” LaFontaine looked to Carmilla. Carmilla shrugged.  
  
“Guess you guys will have to come find out,” she replied. She turned back again and continued walking. LaFontaine looked to Laura.  
  
“I’m definitely going.”  
  
“Are you kidding?! What if we get hurt? What if my dad finds out? What if Perry finds out?”  
  
The last part made LaFontaine gulp. Perry had only been with the duo for two years, yet she had taken the role of ‘Almost adult enough to keep everyone out of trouble.’ It was an important role, even if they were just dorks who loved swingsets.  
  
“If it seems like that much trouble, we’ll just go home.”  
  
“Promise?”  
  
“Promise.”  
  
Laura wished she could say that they showed up, proved her right, and then left. That wasn’t how it went, though. The opening band was The Alchemy Club who liked to spit ominous purple fluid at the crowd. Laura wanted to hate that, but it actually smelled kind of nice. The Summer Society was next. They were an all-girl thrash metal band who released a couple of half-naked dudes into the mosh pit during their song “Adonis,” which, okay was weird, but she met the band and they were so, so nice. Then it was time for Fish Pit. Fish Pit was, well, truly amazing. Laura wouldn’t admit it but she definitely put together money with LaF to buy one of their home made spray paint t-shirts. They lit the backyard with paper lanterns and everyone began to connect. Some connected with fists, some with lips, and some with only shown teeth speckled with blood. They lost control of themselves, in a good way, in a way that made the world evaporate around them. Even Laura did something that may substitute for dancing. Carmilla checked on her and LaFontaine every once in a while, though that was a secret for her to keep. She brought Laura beer, not even in a bag, and Laura was brave enough to take a sip before spewing the sour taste all over the guy next to her. The guy loved it.  
  
“This is where the weird gets weirder and the outcasts become heroes,” Carmilla said.  
  
“That’s actually rather poetic,” Laura replied. “Have you seen LaFontaine?”  
  
“In the mosh pit trying to get a serious concussion,” Carmilla replied proudly. They always bonded over brave moments of near stupidity.  
  
“I’m gonna grab them then,” Laura groaned. “I was thinking it was about time to head home.”  
  
“What? It’s only 2 A.M.” Carmilla replied.  
  
“It’s two?!” Laura’s shout was almost louder than the band. Carmilla sipped the beer Laura didn’t want and watched her push her way through the crowd. Laura found LaFontaine covered in purple goop and sweat. Laura grabbed them by the arm.  
  
“We gotta go!” Laura screamed.  
  
“But the party lights!” LaF whined.  
  
“It’s two!”  
  
“It’s two?!”  
  
Laura pulled LaFontaine as gently as possible through the mosh pit. Most people were polite enough to grant them passage. They made their way through the house and Carmilla rejoined them.  
  
“I think the drunk truck is coming back around if you wanna wait.”  
  
“I can’t wait,” Laura replied. “My dad probably has the FBI on the phone right now.”  
  
“I’ll walk you home,” Carmilla replied.  
  
“No, make sure LaFontaine gets home okay,” Laura replied.  
  
“If you insist.” Carmilla shrugged.  
  
“I’ll be fine, the party lights will get me there,” LaF argued.  
  
“ _Please_ make sure they’re safe,” Laura pleaded. Laura looked Carmilla in the eyes with a look so tired and scared. Carmilla nodded slowly.  
  
“Thank you,” Laura said. “I had a really nice time.”  
  
That was the first time she walked out. She took a deep breath on the porch before running home to find every light in the house on. Her dad had called everyone within a fifty mile radius that he could find in the Yellow Pages, but the FBI wouldn’t respond to him. He scolded her, he punished her, and he asked _how_ in the _world_ she ended up covered in purple goop. She apologized, she accepted her fate, and explained the entire story.  
  
“If I get my hands on that Carmilla girl I swear.”  
  
It would not be the last time he would threaten such a thing.  
  
**Sherman’s House - The Day After** **  
** **  
** “I swear I had another shirt,” Laura said. She had been looking for a shirt she knew didn’t exist for about ten minutes.  
  
“You can get it at Christmas,” Carmilla assured her. Carmilla knew the shirt wasn’t real, but decided to play along.  
  
“Oh wait,” Laura gasped. Her look of fake confusion turned to a wide smile. Her old dresser hid a couple of secrets from her youth. One such secret was a shirt with the words ‘Fish Pit’ spray painted on it.  
  
“Is that?”  
  
“It is,” Laura confirmed.  
  
“The day we met,” Carmilla said. She lost herself to a thought, somewhere in the ceiling. Laura hugged the shirt tight.  
  
“I can’t believe my dad didn’t burn this.”  
  
“I can’t believe you survived that night.”

  
“I really can’t either, I also can’t believe he tried to have you arrested.”  
  
“Yeah, Mother wasn’t exactly thrilled about the whole ordeal.”  
They wound themselves in the fabric of the past and smiled through a daydream. It wasn’t something to remember fondly, getting nearly arrested for no reason, and getting grounded for eternity. It was the day they met though, and that was something worth smiling about.  
  
“Was that all you were looking for?” Carmilla asked, knowing the answer was no to the shirt, but yes to the nostalgia.  
  
“I think so.” Laura sighed. Carmilla frowned. There were no spots left to check for imaginary clothing. Carmilla stretched and forced herself from her lazy position on the bed. Laura grabbed her bags.  
  
“You want some help with those?” Carmilla asked.  
  
“No, I think I got it,” Laura assured her.  
  
“You wanna get lunch before you go?”  
  
Laura stopped at the doorway and sighed. Say yes, she told herself, just go, find a way to make up the work and the money.  
  
“It’s a long drive,” was all she said.  
  
“You don’t wanna visit the Plague Buffet wall of infamy?”  
  
Laura gagged. “How is that place still there?”  
  
“The world is full of mysteries.”  
  
Laura stood another moment before speaking. The time they first hung out together. The time she first had a real conversation with Carmilla. The time she questioned for the entire afternoon whether or not it was a double date. The first time she kissed Carmilla on the cheek and decided that it was all just an adventure.   
  
“I want to hang out,” Laura said. “I really, really do. Christmas is only two months away.”  
  
“Two months,” Carmilla repeated. Laura nodded and continued through the door without another word.  
  
**The Lunch Room - Middle School**  
  
“And that’s when I told Mr. Vordenberg that I knew he had been embezzling money from the candygram fund!”  
  
“No way,” LaFontaine remarked. “You finally proved it?”  
  
“After a long year of research, yes,” Laura said, nodding triumphantly. “He even had to quit!”  
  
“I don’t know how you do it,” LaFontaine said. The kids around them paid them no mind and despite the local paper hailing her as a hero, Laura still felt small.  
  
“Just have to stay focused,” Laura explained.  
“Well, in your research, did you find anything about the transfer student?”  
  
“Perry? No,” Laura said. “But I did talk to her today. Why, do you think she knows somethin’ about the candygram case?”  
  
“You did?!” LaFontaine gasped.  
  
“Yeah! She’s actually really nice,” Laura explained. “Why the sudden interest?”  
  
“She’s in my Home Economics class. She made the best pizza bagels today.”  
  
“A cook,” Laura mused. “We could use additional cookies for movie night…”  
  
“Wouldn’t that be a baker?”  
  
“See? This is why we need additional sugar power. Why don’t you talk to her?”  
  
“Talk? With words? I don’t think you see my point here.”  
  
Laura stared at her friend in confusion for a long, quiet moment. LaFontaine shook their head and groaned.  
  
“For being such a great detective, you are really clueless sometimes.”  
  
“Do you have a crush on her?” Laura asked. LaFontaine only blushed.  
  
“Holy Strawberry Shortcake! You do! You gotta talk to her!”  
  
“How?! About what?!”  
  
“Ask her on a date!”  
  
“I’m twelve!” LaFontaine whined.  
  
“Ask her to come to the swingset then!”  
  
“We’re twelve!”  
  
“Thank you for reminding me,” Laura deadpanned. LaFontaine took a deep breath.  
  
“LaF, you’re like, one of the most confident and cool people I know. Just ask her to be your friend. Then, when we’re all like, eighteen, you can get married.”  
  
“You really mean that?”  
  
“I mean you’ll have to ask her if you can get married first, that’s part of how it works.”  
  
“Like I said, clueless.”  
  
“Come on, we’ll see if we see her after school and she can come over and have a sleepover with us.”  
  
“Thanks,” LaFontaine said. It was short but honest. Perry came over that night and they watched movies. Perry, with strong supervision from Sherman, made sugar cookies. Laura ate almost all of them before remembering to share. Perry didn’t mind and LaFontaine spent most of the night spitting out random, awkward scientific facts before settling down and realizing that Perry was in fact, very nice. They spent the night wrapped in blankets, eating Perry’s not-yet-famous cookies, and crying over Homeward Bound.  
  
It wouldn’t be the last time they cried together, but it also wouldn’t be the last time they laughed together.  
  
**Sherman’s House - The Day After**  
  
Laura and Carmilla walked in what was practically slow motion to the living room. They heard the others laughing lightly. Clearly, they had found memories of their own. It wasn’t hard in that house. It was a place of antibacterial wonder. Sherman cleared his throat and put on his best frown when the girls walked in. The smiles from all of them began to falter. The lights slowly dimmed on their faces, losing the past, and remembering what was to come.  
  
“You all packed up, Laura?” Sherman asked.  
  
“I am, dad.”  
  
“You have the new bear spray? I improved the recipe!”  
  
“I do, dad,” Laura laughed.  
  
“Gotta be careful, cupcake. The grizzly problem in Manhattan is really getting out of hand,” Carmilla chimed in. The whole group laughed, except Sherman, who turned red in the face.  
  
“I just want you to be careful up there,” Sherman said. The room started to turn tense.  
  
“We all do,” Perry added. She was sitting on the couch with LaFontaine beside her. They were holding hands and LaFontaine seemed on the brink of tears.  
  
“Definitely,” LaFontaine nodded. Laura looked to Carmilla who feigned indifference.  
  
“Eaten by a bear isn’t the worst way to go.” Carmilla shrugged.  
  
“Thanks,” Laura said.  
  
“Anytime.”  
  
All of them turned to statues. It felt like coming alive after being dead for centuries, only to turn into a zombie after the weekend. There was Laura, right in front of them, joking and laughing with them, and ready to leave them to start this all over again.  
  
“Well, Aunt Ignis is waiting for me and I’m sure Rose has been hiding from her all weekend.”  
  
“Rose?” Carmilla tilted her head.  
  
“My cat,” Laura explained.  
  
“You have a cat?” LaFontaine asked.  
  
They really couldn’t see it. They couldn’t see that she missed them, but couldn’t replace them. So, there was Rose, out in the park in winter, meowing and crying. Laura took her home and they were everything for each other.  
  
“Mhm, maybe I’ll bring her next time.”  
  
“Maybe we can visit!” LaFontaine exclaimed. “I’ve never been to the city.”  
  
“We better to be sure to bring bear spray,” Carmilla added.  
  
“One more joke, missy! One more, I’m warning you.”  
  
It wouldn’t be the first time he threatened Carmilla, and it wouldn’t be the last.  
  
“Sherman, I’m sure Carmilla means well, and we’d be sure to be safe on our trip,” Perry said.  
  
It wouldn’t be the last time they cried together.  
  
“Only two months until Christmas,” Carmilla repeated. “Then we are so going bar-hopping in the grimiest, darkest, part of the city.”  
  
  
“Carmilla!” Sherman screamed. Sherman ran forward, blood red in the face, and Carmilla went for the front door cackling all the way. He wouldn’t hurt her, just yell, and maybe make her fear for her life just a little.  
  
“Please don’t kill her _before_ I leave!”  
  
Laura could hardly speak between giggles. LaFontaine was burrowed in Perry’s arm, unable to breathe in laughter. Perry finally broke her posture and joined the choir. They took comfort in the moment and laughed much harder than they should have. Sherman chased Carmilla around the trailer until the infection took them both and they came in out of breath and beaming. It was like a repeat they couldn’t stop watching. So many days spent laughing, so many nights spent in near silence. They took comfort in it, because after all,  it wouldn’t be the last time they laughed together.


	6. Come On Baby, Take a Chance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no words, only hugs. Thanks again to everyone who followed this, commented, left kudos, or even just read it. Don't fear the end, don't cry, just remember I'll always be here to take you back to the start.

__"This is the end, beautiful friend." - The End (The Doors) **  
  
  
** **The Playground - The Day After**   
  
The air was still and the world was vacant.   
  
The atmosphere should have poured tension into the moment. Instead, it was as if the world wished them peace. The world stopped turning as soon as the sun was swallowed by the horizon. They bathed in the dim, grimey light of the lamp posts. LaFontaine sat on one swing, swinging alone and dreaming of launching into the stars. Carmilla laid on the slide, sipping occasionally at her flask. Perry sat above Carmilla on the playground, curled in the arch and waiting for a shooting star. The shooting star never came, but it didn’t mean there weren’t wishes to be made.   
  
“Do you think she’ll actually come back this time?” Carmilla asked. The silence remained resilient around them. The atmosphere refused to give up peace.   
  
“I think this time is different,” Perry replied. She stayed entranced by starlight, not taking her eyes of the southern sky.   
  
“I think so too,” LaFontaine replied. They  followed in Perry’s stellar footsteps, watching the stars in all their dusty, old glory. “Christmas is coming up quick, and maybe we can sneak up for Thanksgiving. We can even meet the cat!”  
  
“That would be lovely,” Perry agreed.   
  
Carmilla sighed. “Would be nice if seeing her didn’t seem like such an ordeal.”   
  
“Hey, I don’t like having to plan weeks in advance to see my best friend either. But, it’s better than not having her in our lives at all.”   
  
“We can call her tomorrow,” Perry said gently. “We can ask her how the drive was and how sweet, old Aunt Ignis is.”   
  
“That woman is hardly sweet. She chase me out of the house with a feather duster when we went up there,” Carmilla said.  
  
“Because she caught you taking a peek in her liquor cabinet!”   
  
“I had to sleep in my car,” Carmilla snapped.   
  
“If I remember correctly, we all slept in your car to make you comfortable. My neck is still stiff from that,” LaFontaine reminded her. “In fact, I call dibs on the bathtub if Laura doesn’t have enough space for all of us to sleep when we visit.”  
  
Carmilla wanted to argue and imagine the absolute house-destroying brawl they would have over who could sleep in a bathtub they probably wouldn’t have to sleep in. Her original thought came back to her though, creeping in like a nightmare born in a cotton candy dreamland. “Will she come back?” Carmilla repeated softly.  
  
“I think we already went over that, did you hit your head?” LaFontaine asked.  
  
“No, will she come back after school. After her degree, will she come home?”  
  
They all paused. None of them had thought about that. There were newspapers and blogs to run nearly anywhere, but around them? Around them there was only dim light, wood chips, and aging stars.   
  
“I don’t know,” Perry replied truthfully. She looked down to find that LaFontaine had stopped swinging. They were sitting with their head hanging low. It was hitting them slowly. Their time with Laura was what they needed. It was peace and nostalgia wrapped in the sweetest love. The taste of a meal that they craved only kept them fed for so long though. Perry looked to Carmilla whose shoulders began to shake. Perry was sure that silent tears were falling.   
  
“We have to hold out hope, though,” Perry said. She placed a gentle hand on Carmilla’s head. “We have to even more than before. She’s out there right now, making her dreams come true, and it is an absolute shame that we can’t be there for her, or her for us. But even though she isn’t here, she brought us to each other. I always wanted to thank her for that.” Perry paused and looked to her beloved. They sat, a small, smiling shadow. “There will come a time where we can’t be together anymore, any of us, but my times with you all have been the best of my life. For that, I’ve always wanted to thank you too.”   
  
LaFontaine nodded and stood from their swing. They climbed up the tiny ladder to where Perry sat and sat beside her. They burrowed their face in her shoulder and let small tears fall. Perry stroked Carmilla’s hair and held her beloved. The night was silent and calm. It was peaceful and not a single star crossed the sky. Perry wished though, upon the stars that clung to the night, that after it all, they could all be together until the end.   
  
**Laura’s Car - Harrisonburg, Virginia - The Day After**   
  
The air was thin, cold, and eerily devoid of sound. Laura stood at a gas station under the far too bright lights, out in the silence, alone. She pumped her gas and watched each person that passed. If they decided to mug her, they’d be wholly and totally disappointed. Did disappointed thieves take lives instead? She wasn’t sure. She climbed back into her car and sat out in the stagnant parking lot. She went to turn the key in the ignition. Time to get back home, she thought.   
  
Home.   
  
Her apartment held a few important things. It held her cat, old photos, a half-broken laptop, and probably a lot of lost hair ties. It held a toilet that only flushed every other day. It held up her neighbors who made an awful lot of noise on Tuesdays. It was where her life was. Where her work schedule was written in permanent marker on a wipe board she got tired of re-writing, where her piles of research and assignments were. It was a place she had called home for a while. It wasn’t home, though.   
  
Home was where LaFontaine found strange, old scifi movies that didn’t make a bit of sense. Home was where Perry discovered an entirely new way to make basic cookies. Home was where Carmilla laid, well into the afternoon snoring, until groaning when Laura left her arms. Home was where her dad was worried about bears in Manhattan, but trusted her friends enough to pull her through every insane adventure they went on. Home was a lot of simple things. It was, well, everything. It was everything she missed, and everything she was leaving all over again. She rested her head on the steering wheel.   
  
“I have to go back,” she told herself. “I have to go to school, and then-”   
  
And then, what? What would she do after that? Would she stay in New York? Would she be everything she ever wanted to be? Would she right the wrongs of the world in the form of text? She had this conversation with herself once before, two years ago, while lost somewhere else. She screamed to herself, she turned around so many times. Yet this time, she sat silently, mirroring the gentle presence of the moon.   
  
“I can’t give up myself, my dreams, for others,” she said to herself. “I’m going to do this, but I’ll visit! I’ll visit and I’ll call and-”   
  
No, she thought. She thought for a moment longer, and she remembered.   
**  
****Sherman’s Driveway - Two Years Before**   
  
“You have all of the emergency numbers right? Fire department? Poison Control? Police Department? Did you take the map of hospital and clinic locations?” Sherman was trembling. His tears were slick against his blood red face. He followed behind the crowd with Laura at the helm. She carried all of her bags and insisted she didn’t need any help.   
  
“I do, dad,” Laura said quietly. Her hair was frazzled but her face was dry. There was a drought in her eyes from too much indecision.   
  
“I packed you a lunch for the road,” Perry said. She stood with a tupperware container of pasta. “I know it’s a long drive.” Perry’s eyes were puffy, not from tears, but lack of sleep.   
  
“Make sure you call us when you get there, Frosh,” LaFontaine said. They had been up the entire night, pacing the floor, and planning a way to get Laura to stay.   
  
“I will, and thanks, Perry,” Laura replied. She threw her bags into the back of her car and turned to face them. Four tired, empty faces, looking for a reason to make her stay. They stared back at her, one, lone face too weak to say no to any reason.   
  
Sherman stepped forward and hugged Laura tight, lifting her an inch off the ground. He hugged her until his arms nearly gave out. She returned the gesture.   
  
“I love you, dad,” she said.   
  
“I love you too, kiddo,” Sherman said. He let Laura go and stepped aside. Perry hugged Laura next, light but loving. She handed Laura the food and wished her well. LaFontaine stepped forward timidly before giving in and slamming into the girl. They nearly knocked her to the ground.   
  
“Change the world, Laura,” LaF said. “Like you always wanted to.”   
  
“I’ll do my best,” Laura replied. 

  
“Your best could change the fate of the universe,” LaF replied. Laura squeezed them tighter. “Don’t go replacing us with the Power Rangers, okay?”    
  
Laura chuckled. “No promises.”    
  
LaF let Laura go with a pat on the back and a half-smile. Then, it was Carmilla’s turn. Carmilla, the only one left crying. She faced the greatest love she’d ever known, and had no way to force herself to let it go. She stood silently, staring, unable to move or speak or breathe. She had no pasta offerings, or peaceful jokes, no reassurances that Laura would be safe. She sat at the end of her world, looking into the vastness of space, hoping that her love’s escape pod would fail.    
  
Laura moved to Carmilla instead, knowing the look she saw, a look she saw so rarely. A helpless, afraid look from Carmilla was a strange thing indeed. Laura opened her arms and Carmilla fell. She fell into Laura and struggled to keep herself standing. Laura held her and at first, neither of them spoke.    
  
“Please don’t go,” a quiet plea came.    
  
“I have to,” Laura whispered. She was weak to the idea, she wanted to collapse there with Carmilla. She wanted to stay in the yard, a puddle of mush, and decide that the rest of the world couldn’t offer what she had around her.    
  
“I know,” Carmilla replied.    
  
“I love you,” Laura said. “I love you so much.”    
  
“I know,” Carmilla repeated. “I love you, too.”   
  
“I’ll come back at Christmas,” Laura lied without even knowing it.   
  
Carmilla pushed herself to fully stand and placed her hands on Laura’s cheeks. Their lips met gently at first, then intensely. At the end of her world, Carmilla kissed her love one last time, before watching her get into her car and fade into the stars. The abyss swallowed her whole.    
****  
The Playground - The Day After   
  
  
Carmilla laid snoring with her flask wrapped tightly in her arms. Perry had stopped stroking her hair, but would place a hand on her head each time she stirred. LaFontaine laid, mouth wide open, drooling on Perry’s shoulder. Perry laid uncaring about her shirt or the hard plastic digging into her back. Her eyes were half open and she wondered if she should wake everyone and encourage them to go home. She felt a slight bit of motivation to move when she heard an engine nearly give up the ghost. She looked over to the street to see a car, going far too fast for her comfort, apply the brakes and screech to a stop. The car parked, sort of. LaF and Carmilla both stirred but didn’t wake up.    
  
That’s when she saw a shadow running that them. The shadow nearly tripped a couple of times, hair flowing behind them. The clumsy, erratic shadow came into the light by the time Perry had started to shake shoulders and awaken her band of misfits.    
  
“Laura?” Perry questioned. “Laura!”    
  
Laura didn’t respond, most likely because she couldn’t. She jumped into the wood chips and kept running until she was in front of them.    
  
“Is it Christmas already?” LaFontaine mumbled sleepily.    
  
“Cupcake!” Carmilla shouted. She bolted upright, watching Laura huff and puff until she could try to form a sentence.    
  
“I was hoping-” she paused for breath. “You’d be-” she coughed and wheezed. “Here!”    
  
“Are you okay?” Carmilla asked.    
  
“I am-” Laura said. “I just realized, there was, something, I never, did.”    
  
“Keep up with your aerobic exercises?” Carmilla asked.   
  
“Yes- but also,” Laura paused again. She was nearly to the point of being able to breathe like a human. “I never asked you to come.”    
  
“What?” Carmilla asked. Perry looked to LaF, who smiled up back up at her.    
  
“I have to go back,” Laura said. “It sucks, but I do. But, that doesn’t mean you can’t come with me. I mean, I know you can’t. You have a life here, but, I never even asked if you’d want to.”    
  
“You want me to come to New York with you?”    
  
“Yes, move in with me. Then, once school is over, we can move back. And Perry and LaF can come visit whenever they want. We can have my dad up for dinner. I’ll even let you ding-dong-ditch Aunt Ignis whenever you want.”    
  
“Whenever I want?” Carmilla asked with a smirk.    
  
“Is that all you heard?” Laura asked. Carmilla shook her head.    
  
“You can’t, and that’s okay,” Laura said. “But, I wanted to ask, and honestly, I need to hear that you want to. I need to know that I have a home to come back to. If it’s a home everyday, after all my long days, where I get to just lay with you, then that’s totally awesome. But even if it’s just a home here, that I see when I can, that I know is here waiting for me, then that’s awesome too.”    
  
“You always have a home here,” Carmilla said. Perry nodded in agreement.    
  
“Yeah, Laura, it’s been waiting here this whole time.”    
  
“I know that now, and I’m sorry, I can finally actually say that I’m sorry.”    
  
“And I can finally say thank you,” Perry said.    
  
“For what?” Laura asked.    
  
“For bringing us all together,” Perry replied. Laura watched Perry’s face turn into a light smile. “This is the home that you built for all of us.”    
  
It was. It was a door that was always open, arms always spread wide, tables stuffed with food for fights and aching bellies, laughter for broken hearts, bandages for broken bones. Laura stood on the edge of her world where she believed she could change the fate of the universe, and watched it collide with a world of peace and comfort.    
  
“I intend to keep this house standing until the end of days,” Laura said. “So what do you say, Carm? Come back with me?”    
  
“And leave my important job at the Cinema Shack? Cupcake, I don’t know,” Carmilla said with a smirk.    
  
“Come on, Carm! Is now really time for the snark?” Laura asked. “Kind of asking you a life-changing question that I definitely ran several red lights to ask.”    
  
“You _left_ for almost two _years_ ,” Carmilla said. “You _just_ came back into my life, and you’re asking me to run away with you, to a city I’ve been in maybe once, to live with you until we end up back here, slacking off in the same places we always did?”    
  
“I believe that’s exactly it, yeah,” Laura replied. “It’s insane, but it’s also an adventure. We built this home on our adventures together. Not just me, us, all four of us. So let’s keep building it.”    
  
“We _could_ use an extra bathroom,” LaF added with a smile.    
  
“Alright,” Carmilla said.    
  
“See? I knew you wouldn’t want to but that’s okay, I just wanted to offer, and make sure you knew that I still love you. I love you so much and-”    
  
“Cupcake!” Carmilla shouted, throwing her hands in the air. “I’m coming with you.”    
  
“You are?”    
  
“If you ask me again, I might change my mind.”    
  
“No! No.” Laura ran up and collided with Carmilla who fell back on the slide. LaF only chuckled while Perry averted her eyes. Laura pecked Carmilla on the cheek and burrowed her face in the crook of her neck. Carmilla smiled and wrapped her arms around the smaller girl. She looked to her left, at the swings, and could practically see two young shadows. A girl swinging her legs at full force, talking non-stop about absolutely nothing. Another girl, trying to pretend she wasn’t enjoying the swings, and listening for hours.    
  
She looked to the stars one last time, as she knew the city would eat them by the time they arrived. She enjoyed the feeling of being at the playground, of listening to the gingerbread dorks talk. She enjoyed the feeling of being home, of feeling like she belonged somewhere. She enjoyed the greatest peace she’d ever known.    
  
“Well, come on, cupcake,” Carmilla said. “Let’s get going on this adventure.”    
  
“We’ll miss you both!” LaF shouted.    
  
“We’ll miss you too,” Laura said.    
  
“Woah, woah, who said I was going to miss the anal-retentive baker and the mad scientist?”    
  
“Carmilla,” Laura said sternly.    
  
“Fine! Maybe a little, sometimes,” Carmilla said.    
  
“We’ll miss you too, Carmilla,” Perry said.    
  
It wouldn’t be the first time they cried together, or the last time they laughed. It wouldn’t be the first nor the last adventure for Carmilla and Laura. It was the beginning of a new story. It was Carmilla packing so quickly that she forgot to bring any socks. It was hours in the car, with a restless Carmilla, sharing all the moments they missed out on. It was laughter and closure to end two long years of missing each other. It was awkwardly holding hands for just long enough to let each other know that they were there, and that they'd stay. It was Laura having to fish Rose out from a sofa she’d been under for hours. It was Carmilla getting chased out of Aunt Ignis’s house, this time for saying ‘fuck’ about four minutes into coming inside. It was a phone call when they made it, to Perry and LaFontaine. It was Carmilla swearing to Sherman that she’d never take an eye off of Laura. It was them, getting ready for bed, looking at each other awkwardly.    
  
“I have, uh, a blanket and a pillow on the couch for you. We’ll have to work on something a little less lumpy in the future.”    
  
“Better than my backseat,” Carmilla replied. “Night.”    
  
“Good night,” Laura said in return. She curled up in her bed with Rose purring beside her. She laid in the dark, nearly happy. Carmilla had said yes. Carmilla had come with her and in less than two months, they’d see the rest of their strange little family together. Carmilla was on the other side of that door, most likely reading, and she would be there in the morning. Something about that felt off.    
  
“Hey, Carm?” Laura called.    
  
“Yeah?” Carmilla called back.    
  
“You maybe want to come sleep in-”    
  
Laura didn’t have to say anything else. She heard the sound of footsteps, followed by the door creaking open. Carmilla walked in silently, flopped on the bed, and immediately stole most of the blanket.    
  
“I still love you,” Laura said.    
  
“I know,” Carmilla replied. She rolled on her side and wrapped her arms around Laura. “I still love you too.”    
  
They laid together in silence until Laura heard Carmilla snoring beside her. She traced her fingers up and down Carmilla’s forearm. This was the home they built together. She had nearly destroyed it, and for that she would never forgive herself. But she wished, and she hoped, that they could rebuild it. She wished that after school, after it all, they could stay together until -   
  
**The End.**


	7. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not overly fond of this tid-bit, but I didn't want to let it go.

Current Day - New York 

Carmilla sits on the fire escape, watching the smoke from her lips hit the night. 

There aren’t really any stars here, just billboards and loud cars. She listens to cabs honk at each other down below and misses silent nights. It’s not all bad. There are incredible bands pouring their hearts into dirty clubs every night. Museum trips with Laura have been her favorite, though they still haven’t seen every wing of the Met. She shivers in the night air and wonders how long the geek patrol will take to get into town. 

Perry hates it, naturally. Too noisy, too dirty, way too many people. LaFontaine enjoys watching the lights and the animated billboards. Sherman likes knowing that there are police officers at nearly every corner. Carmilla hears a scratching to her left and rolls her head. Rose is meowing at her silently through the glass. She rolls her eyes, damn cat is so needy. She puts out her cigarette and climbs back through the window. The apartment is quiet and dark other than the light of the tree. The presents underneath glitter and glow, and Carmilla sighs a happy sigh. 

Rose digs her head into her shins and she groans. “I’ll feed you, I swear.” 

Carmilla walks into the kitchen and digs the cat food out of the cabinet with the broken door. She pours it into a bowl and drops it to the ground. Rose purrs loudly and starts devouring it. Carmilla turns to walk out, but hesitates. She catches a glance of the picture on the refrigerator. She sees it everyday, but when thinking of home, it sticks out like a sore thumb. 

It’s a simple picture, to signify a simpler time. Carmilla smiles and traces her finger over each of their faces. 

“You always had us with you,” she whispers to the younger Laura, smiling away.

She hears the door knob shake and looks at the clock. Laura is home a bit early, as promised, and she’ll probably collapse into bed with barely a word. Carmilla doesn’t take offense anymore, but Laura still apologizes every morning. Almost two years of being here, together, and the routine hasn’t changed much. It’s more comfortable, but it’s different than it was before Laura left. Carmilla listens to the loud thuds that signal Laura’s made it in and has dropped all of her bags to be picked up in the morning. Carmilla fiddles with a small box in her back pocket. It’s there, she’s ready.

“And you always will,” she whispers to the picture. She walks into the living room to see Laura’s faint smile before she becomes a zombie. 

“Are they here?” Laura mumbles. 

“No, they’re running late. Apparently there’s a new hardware store on the way that your dad and Bill Nye the ginger kid spent two hours in.” 

“Of course.” Laura sighs. Carmilla walks over and holds her beloved. Laura makes a vague attempt to hold Carmilla back. 

“Hey, cutie?” Carm says. 

“Hm?” Laura replies, sort of. 

“Do me a favor?” Carmilla asks. 

“Sure,” Laura replies. Carmilla thinks, and hesitates. She wants to do this right. She wants Laura, wherever she may go, forever. Or at least long enough to make it worth the ten hour conversation involved in asking for Sherman’s blessing. She considers her other plans, her grand gestures, but she looks at Laura. Laura with her head against her chest, in the glow of the Christmas tree, on a quiet night in the city. This insignificant moment, this real moment, this is the one. 

“Marry me?” Carmilla asks. 

“What?” Laura asks in return. She pushes back to look at Carm, but holds onto her arms. 

“Marry me, as in, be my wife?” 

“Like, your actual wife, now?” 

“Yes, my non-fictional wife, whenever you want.” Carmilla reaches into her back pocket and pulls out a small box. It’s nothing special, but Laura wouldn’t want too much. Laura starts crying, but not as she had ever before. She cries, in a quiet, insignificant moment in a place where she thought she had lost everything. She cries on Christmas Eve, tears shimmering like wrapped gifts. Two years back together, after two years apart, with Carmilla getting beat up in mosh pits and hogging all the blankets, and Laura getting sick after lunches of only ice cream and coming home way too late. She cries, then she nods. 

After all, nothing really changes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're wondering : Sherman and LaF bought six new hammers each. Perry is the maid of honor. LaFontaine simply labels themselves as 'the best.' They get married in a courtroom. They honeymoon in Paris. Carmilla never quits smoking, and bums cigarettes from Betty until they're 80 years old. Kirsch finally gets Laura's cookies back in after ten years of waiting. Laura and Carmilla move back when Laura is done with school. Carmilla's mom is the mayor, that's just a fun fact I never added in. Rose goes with them everywhere. Aunt Ignis gives them fruitcakes for every occasion. She even hugs Carmilla once, mistaking her for someone else. Danny probably dies. They all lived happily ever after.


End file.
